妈妈。

“我们四年前找到了我们的房子。当我们接受了这个事实，我们可能不得不离开我们心爱的伯纳尔高地，去寻找更大的空间和一个院子时，我们走遍了这座城市的各个社区。它在外面的日落中，看起来很遥远。但我是来参加参观日的。“我对这个地方有一种感觉，”我说。我的丈夫是个实用主义者，他看到后说:‘嗯。也许你对这房子没有感觉。这是一场灾难。”就连我们的房地产经纪人都委婉地指出，大多数房子都是为了买骨头而买的，但这个地方连骨头都没有。哈! But we just kept coming back to it and it felt right."

“我会说，70年代的大苏尔(Big Sur)，没有那么多红木，斯堪的纳维亚风格，但不那么干净，我尽可能地把海牧场(Sea Ranch)的东西塞进一栋比海牧场(Sea Ranch)少得多的倾斜、木材和圆窗的房子里。”这是一种风格吗?”

Christi Azevedo, and contractor team, Ronan and Claude, on our previous flat in Bernal, and we love them like family and trust them completely. It took a little over a year from ground-breaking. We moved in a month before I gave birth to our second babe, so the clock was really ticking. We were planning on having a homebirth and really wanted it to be in our new space."">

“这完全是一种本能。好处:我们不必为丢失任何时期细节而感到难过。几乎没有需要保存的东西。缺点:彻底改造是非常紧张和昂贵的。我们住在我继父的房子里，在一年半的时间里，我们每天上下班要花一个多小时。但我们肯定没有其他办法负担得起。我们竭尽全力来实现这一切。存钱，借钱，贷款建设，吃花生酱和果冻。但这一切都是值得的!我们和建筑师一起工作，律师的代理，以及承包商团队，罗南和克劳德我们像爱家人一样爱他们，完全信任他们。从破土动工开始，花了一年多一点的时间。我们在我生第二个孩子的一个月前搬进来的，所以时间紧迫。我们打算在家里生孩子，真的希望在我们的新地方生。”

Natalie Martin dress. Mikio wears a Bobo Choses sweatshirt and Kid and Kind pants. Isao wears a Nico Nico shirt and Bobo Choses pants. Masi wears a Rudy Jude sweatshirt and Bobo Choses pants.">

Surya戴着娜塔莉·马丁礼服。美男戴着波波的选择运动衫和孩子与善良裤子。伊索穿了一件尼科尼科衬衫和波波的选择裤子。马西穿了一件鲁迪·裘德运动衫和波波的选择裤子。

“少即是多，除非事实并非如此。我真的很兴奋，想马上拥有所有的东西。但谁能那样生活呢?随着时间的推移，你需要收集东西。事情需要有意义。所以慢慢开始，等待合适的片段对我来说很重要。话虽如此，我喜欢收藏。我喜欢我们的房子充满了陶瓷，来自其他艺术家以及我业余制作的东西。我希望我们的孩子长大后能感受到与我们家里的艺术的联系，而不是有一屋子我在网上冲动购买的昂贵而酷的东西。”

Derek built our couch with custom specs to fit the space. We picked a less deep seat than he usually does so there would be more play area. I couldn’t find a coffee table I liked that I could afford initially but now I love that there isn’t one. Someday we will sit there and read and need a place to put drinks or something but these are not those days. These are the days I’m glad to have the floor space and nothing for my babies to knock their heads on."">

“我们的客厅可以合法居住。我们醒着的时候有80%的时间是在客厅和厨房里度过的。所以我们希望这个空间是开放的，有利于闲逛。实际上，这并不是一个巨大的足迹，所以把事情的规模弄对是很重要的。我们的朋友德里克。为了适应这里的空间，定制了我们的沙发。我们选了一个不像他平时坐的那么深的座位，这样就有更多的玩耍空间。我一开始找不到我喜欢的、能买得起的咖啡桌，但现在我很高兴没有了。总有一天，我们会坐在那里看书，需要一个放饮料或其他东西的地方，但现在已经不是那个时候了。现在我很高兴有足够的空间，没有东西可以让我的孩子们磕头。”

Derek was making these amazing pieces, we made it happen. It was a stretch for us, but honestly not any more expensive than a new piece from a big company. Furniture takes so much time and labor to create, and then you add actual quality materials, it really adds up! Derek was a dream to work with and we looked high and low to source my signature yellow color for the upholstery. I also love love love the ceramic lights we have in the dining room, stairwell, and our bedroom. My ceramics teacher Andy threw the vessels and then we had them wired. I look at them every day and just feel so lucky to live with them. My stepdad is an incredible woodworker. He’s actually good at almost everything. I have only recently stopped calling him when I’m lost when I’m driving, but that’s just since smart phones. Anyway, he built us an incredible baby gate for our stairs. And the bookcase in the library. And the little shelf. Probably other stuff that I’m forgetting. He’s amazing." ">

“我最喜欢的东西是那些我认识制作它们的人的东西。我们的沙发太奢侈了，但当我看到我闺蜜的哥哥德里克。做这些了不起的作品，我们做到了。这对我们来说是一种挑战，但老实说，并不比大公司的新产品贵多少。家具需要大量的时间和劳动来创造，然后你添加真正优质的材料，它真的加起来了!德里克是一个梦想与工作，我们寻找了高和低来源我的签名黄色的室内装饰。我也很喜欢我们餐厅、楼梯间和卧室里的陶瓷灯。我的陶瓷老师安迪把血管扔了，然后装上了电线。我每天都看着他们，觉得和他们生活在一起很幸运。我继父是个了不起的木工。实际上他几乎什么都擅长。直到最近，当我开车迷路时，我才不再给他打电话，但那只是因为有了智能手机。总之，他给我们的楼梯建了一个很棒的婴儿门。还有图书馆的书柜。还有那个小架子。可能还有别的东西我忘了。他太神奇了。”

这是第一个婴儿关系。

“是的，是的。我们有一个游戏室/图书馆/客房。不过孩子们的房间、客厅、我们的房间和淋浴间里都有一些玩具……你懂的。话虽如此，我们还是尽量限制任何时候出现的内容，并将大部分内容保留在游戏室中。”

“不管是有200种还是200种玩具和书籍可供选择，他们都会把它们都拿出来。令人印象深刻的是，事情变得如此混乱。然后他们甚至没有玩任何一个，因为整个地板都被覆盖了。在我们搬到这里之前的几次搬家中，我们每次都清理干净，并试图向孩子们强调，我们是如此幸运，拥有如此多的东西，我们只是不需要更多的东西。所以我们让他们把少量的书和玩具放在楼下，其余的放在阁楼上。然后当他们想要玩一些不同的东西时，他们知道他们必须换一些占用相似空间的东西。它实际上工作得很好，但是我们的阁楼完全是灾难，所以很难考虑把东西放好。甚至不知道我们曾经拥有过什么。我疯狂地沉迷于组织。现在，所有的东西都在不同的浴缸里，都有自己的位置。 My Capricorn husband has never loved me more. And my Virgo son was totally entranced. He helped me take Polaroids of the contents of each box so they don’t have to pull it out to see what’s inside. Plus, they can see what’s supposed to be in there and put it back. That will happen, right?"

“妈妈们太棒了，我是说真的。我们没有教我们的孩子“不要和陌生人说话”，因为我们一直在和陌生人说话!我们住在城市里。我们向邻居问好。我们认识所有在这条街上做生意的人。与其他人互动，了解你不认识的人是很重要的。所以我们告诉他们，‘如果你迷路了，找个妈妈。她会帮助你的。”因为我赌妈妈们会很棒。我钦佩的大多数朋友和女性都是母亲。 I’m just so psyched to be a part of the club."

doesn't make me nervous? if I think back, I probably have had anxiety issues forever. At seven, I remember being worried that my life was all a dream, that I was going to wake up and be a baby and have to do it all again. At eight, I worried that every time anyone I loved drove away, it would be the last time I saw them. I always felt like I needed to say a true, loving, goodbye...just in case. When I think about my oldest being just a few years from that, it makes me so sad. What a lot to take on as a kid."

"After I had Isao—my second baby—I got pregnant again almost immediately. It was shocking. So I don’t know if it was postpartum or antenatal but I was in a deep, dark place. I was beyond sad. I just sat in my bed and cried. Not heaving sobs, no questioning the universe . . . just big, silent tears from nowhere. I felt everything and nothing. I did things that needed to happen. I got dressed, I ate, I nursed my baby, another baby growing in my belly, making me nauseous and numb. I couldn’t sleep, and as I lay there, night after night, I pictured every horrible thing happening to my children. Saw them in water and fire. Saw car accidents and plane crashes. And then I would curse myself, convinced that my imagination would be what manifested it into reality. Even though I knew it was hormonal and I knew it would pass, I felt absolutely lost."">

“什么不让我紧张?回想起来，我可能一直都有焦虑问题。七岁的时候，我记得我很担心我的生活只是一场梦，担心我一觉醒来会变成一个婴儿，不得不重新来过。八岁时，我担心每次我爱的人开车离开，那将是我最后一次见到他们。我总觉得我需要说一声真诚的、充满爱的再见……以防万一。当我想到我的大儿子离他只有几年的时候，我就很难过。作为一个孩子，要承担的事情太多了。”

“在我生了第二个孩子伊萨之后，我几乎立刻又怀孕了。这很令人震惊。所以我不知道这是产后还是产前的问题，但我当时处于深深的黑暗中。我伤心极了。我就坐在床上哭了。不抽泣，不质疑宇宙…只是不知从哪里冒出来的无声的大眼泪。我感觉到了一切，又什么都没有。我做了该做的事。我穿好衣服，吃好东西，给我的宝宝喂奶，另一个宝宝在我肚子里长大，这让我感到恶心和麻木。 I couldn’t sleep, and as I lay there, night after night, I pictured every horrible thing happening to my children. Saw them in water and fire. Saw car accidents and plane crashes. And then I would curse myself, convinced that my imagination would be what manifested it into reality. Even though I knew it was hormonal and I knew it would pass, I felt absolutely lost."

"I got some bodywork done after I had my third son, Masi, and it was the first time I was able to quiet my mind a little bit. And the thing that kept coming to me was, 'you cannot worry them safe.' There is no prize for martyrdom, for being the best worrier. That hasn’t solved my anxiety issues, but I try and stop myself and literally say out loud, 'Surya, it’s ok. You’re ok. They are ok. You will be ok, no matter what.' Now, I can certainly talk myself out of that. So many ways I wouldn’t be ok. But usually in the moment that’s enough to move on to the next thing and get out of the cycle. I’m realizing now that the question was what makes me nervous, not scared. But these are obviously big, top of mind issues for me."">

“我挺过了大部分时间，但担忧依然存在。我担心一切，从我的孩子被欺负到我的孩子欺负到极地冰盖融化到警察暴行到精神疾病再到溺水和飞机失事。我担心海洋、水和土壤中的塑料会被污染。我担心我丈夫会早死。我担心在我没有充分发挥我的潜力的情况下，生命就这样过去了。我担心这一切。然后我担心我错过了最好的事情，因为我担心剩下的事情。”

“在我生了第三个儿子马西之后，我做了一些车身改造，这是我第一次能够让自己的思想平静下来。我一直在想的是，‘你不可能保证他们的安全。’成为最好的忧虑者并没有什么奖励。这并没有解决我的焦虑问题，但我试着阻止自己，大声对自己说:“Surya，没事的。”你是好的。他们很好。不管怎样，你都会没事的。”现在，我当然可以说服自己不要这么做。很多方面我都不太好。但通常在那一刻，这足以让你继续做下一件事，走出这个循环。 I’m realizing now that the question was what makes me nervous, not scared. But these are obviously big, top of mind issues for me."

厨房里的安静时刻，它以宜家橱柜系统和定制门为特色。

"We never found out the sex in advance. When I was pregnant with Mikio, everyone told me he was a boy. People stopped me on the street to tell me. On his due date I went to Target and an older woman said, 'You know that's a boy right? I can tell because when you’re having a boy, you don’t care about what you look like.' Um, ok. Anyway, all that made me dig in my heels and want a girl just to spite them. When he was born, it was a few minutes before we even remembered to ask about the sex. Nick asked, and yep, another boy! But from that moment, he was just ours."

"I’d like to say that I had really strong feelings about the other two. But no. I just sort of assumed they would be boys, especially Masi. I couldn’t imagine having a girl, but three boys?! That seemed crazy, too. But here we are with three boys! Mostly I’m excited for brothers having brothers. I have a sister who I am absolutely obsessed with. It’s a magic that I know. Also, raising boys is an amazing opportunity. Raising boys who know how to have feelings, who can talk about what scares them and makes them sad. Raising boys who can be vulnerable and ask for help and express love in an unabashed way. Raising feminist boys. We need boys to dismantle the patriarchy. And that can be my boys. That’s exciting."">

“我来自一个坚强的女性家庭。我有一个妹妹。我妈妈有一个妹妹。我的祖母来自一个有13个孩子的家庭，但她和她的两个姐妹最亲密，其中一个有两个女儿，后来她们又生了三个女儿。我们家男孩真的很少。所以我无法想象有一个男孩会是什么样子。”

“我们从来没有提前知道性别。当我怀Mikio的时候，每个人都告诉我他是个男孩。人们在街上拦住我告诉我。在他预产期那天，我去了塔吉特百货，一位年长的女士说，‘你知道那是个男孩吧?我看得出来，因为当你有了一个男孩的时候，你不会在意自己长什么样。”嗯,好吧。总之，这一切都让我固执己见，想要一个女孩来报复他们。当他出生时，过了几分钟我们才想起来问他的性别。尼克问道，没错，又是一个男孩!但从那一刻起，他就属于我们了。”

“我想说的是，我对另外两个人的感情真的很强烈。但是没有。我只是以为他们会是男孩，尤其是马西。我无法想象会有个女儿，但是三个男孩? !这听起来也很疯狂。但我们现在有三个男孩!最让我兴奋的是兄弟有兄弟。我有个妹妹，我非常迷恋她。这是我所知道的魔法。而且，抚养男孩是一个很好的机会。培养懂得感受的男孩，让他们能说出让他们害怕和悲伤的事情。培养男孩，让他们变得脆弱，可以毫不掩饰地寻求帮助和表达爱。培养女权主义男孩。 We need boys to dismantle the patriarchy. And that can be my boys. That’s exciting."

Skarsgorn striped shirt, Black Crane pants and a Babaa sweater. Isao and Mikio wear Nico Nico shirts. Masi wears a See Sun top, Bobo Choses pants, and a homemade handkerchief.">

Surya戴着Skarsgorn条纹衬衫,黑色的起重机裤子和裤子Babaa毛衣。Isao和Mikio穿尼科尼科衬衫。马西穿了一件看到太阳上面,波波的选择裤子和一条自制的手帕。

"We had planned to name a girl baby after my grandma, whose name is Harue. When we had a third boy, we named him Maraharu in her honor. We call him Mas or Masi. His middle name is Pre after my husband’s favorite runner, Steve Prefontaine."">

“我叫苏利亚。它是梵语中太阳的意思，实际上在印度、尼泊尔和印度尼西亚是一个非常常见的男性名字。但我的家人是日本人，所以我们发r的方式不像印度人，它听起来更像d。这有点令人困惑，我每天都在解释。话虽如此，像苏莉亚这样的名字，我不想给我的孩子起名叫鲍勃——无意冒犯所有的婴儿鲍勃。我所有的孩子都有和我一样的中间名，岸。这是我妈妈的姓氏，对我来说，把它传给他们真的很重要。Mikio Fredrick是以我爷爷和Nick爸爸Fred的名字命名的，我爷爷的日文名字是Mikio。Mikio的意思是“三棵树”。在Isao出生之前，我们认为他可能是个女孩，但在我怀孕期间，Isao这个名字一直在我脑海中出现。 I had heard it before and liked it, and then my husband has an amazing coworker and friend named Isao that really sealed the deal. His middle name is Jimmy after my grandma’s favorite brother, who died when he was in his early 20s. My mom was a baby at the time, and my grandma was so devastated that her milk dried up. That has always broken my heart, but now as a mom, I can’t imagine."

“我们本来打算用我奶奶的名字给女儿取名，她的名字叫Harue。当我们有了第三个男孩，我们给他起名叫马拉哈鲁以纪念她。我们叫他马斯或马西。他的中间名是Pre，以我丈夫最喜欢的跑步运动员Steve Prefontaine的名字命名。”

Edurne. I think it was the first time that someone, other than us, said, 'No pressure. You’re an artist. We are all artists. Create something if you want, or don’t.' They go to museums and just hang out with art. There aren’t complicated take-home projects. It’s about the process. Which is what art is about! She also genuinely loves them and kids can sense that. They know when someone is really on their team. And that security allows for so much beautiful growth."

"Isao is 2 and is the funny one. He’s charming and social. He loves animals. My husband takes him running to Golden Gate Park where they can see buffalo, which he asks for daily. He’s so obsessed that we made his second birthday buffalo themed. He refuses to sleep with soft toys and would rather clutch a small plastic pig or he also loves this traffic cone from a train set? Kids are weird."

"Masi is 10 months and into nursing and putting things that he finds on the kitchen floor into his mouth. I have made a hard push with all the kids to play with and love wooden toys, but so far his toy of choice is the nose drops bottle and end of the phone charging cord when it falls off the counter."">

“Mikio今年6岁，对很多事情都感兴趣。他今年的生日是“忍者滑板”，如果这能让你对他的兴趣有所了解的话。孩子们都喜欢乐高积木，他也不例外，但他做的东西真的很有趣。能看到他的思维方式真是太酷了。他喜欢弄出复杂的组合，然后以自己的方式使用这些片段。我喜欢!跳出框框思考问题。他还非常喜欢绘画和艺术。他对学前班的大部分课程都不感兴趣，我不好意思说，这让我很沮丧。但后来他去了我们朋友办的艺术营，Edurne。我想这是第一次有人，除了我们，说，‘不要有压力。你是个艺术家。我们都是艺术家。想做什么就做什么，不想做就做什么。”他们去博物馆，和艺术品一起闲逛。没有复杂的带回家的项目。重要的是过程。这就是艺术的意义!她也真心爱他们，孩子们能感觉到。 They know when someone is really on their team. And that security allows for so much beautiful growth."

“Isao今年2岁，是个有趣的孩子。他很有魅力，爱交际。他喜欢动物。我丈夫带他跑到金门公园，在那里他们可以看到水牛，他每天都要看。他太着迷了，我们给他的两岁生日做了水牛主题的。他拒绝抱着毛绒玩具睡觉，宁愿抱着一只小塑料猪，还是他也喜欢这个火车模型的交通锥?孩子们都很奇怪。”

“马西已经10个月大了，开始吃奶了，他会把在厨房地板上找到的东西放进嘴里。我努力让所有的孩子都喜欢木制玩具，但到目前为止，他选择的玩具是滴鼻液瓶和从柜台上掉下来的手机充电线的末端。”

“我做了!我是说，我从没想过会是什么样子。我只知道我会有孩子。它会非常轻松和有趣，我会非常擅长。也许我应该花更多的时间想象它是简单的。”

"We had a homebirth and I loved it so much. I always say that whatever makes mama feel the most comfortable and empowered, that’s the 'right' way. For us, homebirth was absolutely the right choice. Mikio was huge, 9 pounds, 4 ounces. We have this amazing picture of our midwife, Jaime, weighing him and my mom’s face is totally in shocked awe."">

“我们花了一年的时间怀上了Mikio。我想主要是因为我们不知道自己在做什么。我的意思是，我们知道它是如何工作的，但我在我的手机上跟踪某个应用程序。当我试着测量我的体温并把它记录下来时，它发生得很快。我很容易怀孕，除了我身高5英尺2英寸，每个人每天都问我是不是怀了双胞胎，所以我不得不忍住自己粗鲁的回归冲动。有个家伙在Embarcadero，我在快走的时候路过他，他会说，‘双胞胎?’我会说，‘不。今天也不行。”于是有一天，他说:“三胞胎?’从那时起，我改变了我的路线。”

“我们在家分娩，我非常喜欢。我总是说，只要让妈妈觉得最舒服、最有力量，那就是“正确”的方式。对我们来说，在家分娩绝对是正确的选择。Mikio很高大，9磅4盎司。我们有这张很棒的照片，我们的助产士Jaime在给他称重，我妈妈的脸上充满了震惊和敬畏。”

“有了Isao，我也花了大约一年的时间才怀孕。我们搬家，重新装修，我想我们开始尝试，然后停止了，因为工作上的事情让我抓狂。这次怀孕有点困难，因为我比她大三岁，而且还患有妊娠糖尿病。我可以通过节食和锻炼来控制它——多走几步!——针灸。但这很烦人。分娩是在我们的新房子里进行的，非常棒!我们去医院做压力测试的那天早上，我宫缩了。一切看起来都很完美，他们问我是否要再约一次时间，但我说我很确定那天我就要生孩子了，我就生了!分娩比第一次容易。事实上，我在生孩子的时候一直在抱怨无聊。 So I got out to try and speed things up and whoa. My water broke it was fast and terrible from there. He was even bigger than Mikio at 9 pounds, 9 ounces!"

"I had gestational diabetes again and it was rougher this time. It was harder to control and I actually got a prescription for insulin. We were going on a 'We might never be able to travel again with three kids' trip to Italy, and I was worried about trying to figure out blood sugar control options overseas. But the first morning of the trip, I woke up and my numbers were the lowest they had ever been. It was so stress related. I never had to use the insulin, luckily."

">

“马西是一个巨大的惊喜。我上了一节课，第二节课迟到了。我以为是荷尔蒙的问题。我一直在谷歌上搜索，很多人说:“是的，我以为这只是第二次例假，但后来我怀孕了。”当然，这不是我。所以我做了个测试来排除这种可能性。我还没来得及把它放在柜台上就已经呈阳性了。我完全震惊了。Nick送Mikio去学校，所以我一个人在家。其实不是，我六个月大的孩子在隔壁房间打盹。 I texted my midwife and friend Jaime, 'FUCK' with a picture of the test. Nick tells the story of how he was wracking his brain for what he could have done that I needed him to rush home to talk. Pregnancy didn’t make the list."

“我又患了妊娠糖尿病，这次更加艰难。更难控制，我还开了胰岛素处方。我们打算去意大利旅行，“我们可能再也不能带着三个孩子去旅行了”，我很担心在海外找到控制血糖的方法。但在旅行的第一天早上，我醒来时发现我的分数是有史以来最低的。压力太大了。幸运的是，我从来不用胰岛素。”

"The day he was born, we went to the beach and I dipped my toes in the cold ocean and I tried to just shut up about it. It was clear I wasn’t manifesting anything. Baby was coming when baby was coming. We had pizza—I only ate the toppings because, gestational diabetes—and walked home and I had contractions the whole time. He was born eight hours later. In a lot of ways, it was my hardest birth. I wasn’t a first timer, who didn’t know what it would be like. And I had JUST had another baby. There was no time to forget how hard it would be. I never was able to just let go and let it be."">

“他的出生很有趣。我真的在努力控制它。我想，因为我还在震惊之中，我要生三个孩子了，最后两个孩子相隔15个月，也许生活欠我一个我想要的孩子。我想让他早点到。前两个晚了十天又一个星期。我害怕他会变得更大。所以我告诉所有愿意听的人我要在夏至生个孩子。那是一个满月。这个故事很完美。那么宝宝就不会在圣诞节出生，他或她就会成为派对时间的射手座。 The holidays came and went with nary a peep. I had contractions here and there, one night for three hours. But I took a shower and they stopped. I tried everything, even castor oil. NOTHING. Life consistently sits me right on my ass and says, 'You’ll get what you get, when the time is right.'"

“他出生的那天，我们去了海滩，我把脚趾伸进冰冷的海水里，我试着不去想这件事。很明显我没有表现出任何东西。宝宝要来的时候，宝宝就要来了。我们吃了披萨——我只吃了上面的配料，因为我有妊娠糖尿病——然后走回家，我一直在宫缩。8小时后，他出生了。从很多方面来说，这是我最艰难的出生。我不是第一次，谁也不知道会是什么样子。我又生了一个孩子。没有时间忘记这将是多么艰难。我从来没能放手让它去吧。”

"You’d think I’d have learned from that experience and done it differently this time around. But no. I should have just shut the store down for a few months. Just put an out-of-office reply on and hunkered down with my baby. But I didn’t. And the email and order anxiety happened again and again. SIGH. At ten months postpartum I’m finally getting out of the fog, but I’m seeing that there are just parts of my job that I really struggling with. No solves yet, but my husband now checks the email for me so that has helped a lot. Baby steps?"">

“没有。当我有了Mikio时，我辞去了公司的设计工作，并在Mikio刚满一岁时创办了自己的公司Tosan。伊索和玛西的事发生后，我没有好好请假。伊索死后，产后焦虑把我吞噬了。我无法让自己打包订单。我无法让自己做任何事。我陷入了一个可怕的循环，我害怕查看我的工作邮件，所以我没有查看，这让我更加确信，有成千上万的邮件告诉我，我是一个失败者，每个人都对我感到多么失望。我失眠了，躺在床上，滚烫的眼泪顺着脸颊流下来，一遍又一遍地对自己说:“你真是个垃圾。”你有了这家公司，你把每件事都搞砸了，每个人都讨厌你。”最后，我在一家咖啡馆里坐了几个小时，又哭了起来，但至少我有一面可以面对的墙，我回复了我的电子邮件。 It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I posted about my struggles on Tosan's Instagram feed and people were SO supportive."

“你可能会认为我从那次经历中吸取了教训，这次做得不一样了。但是没有。我应该把店关几个月。就假装不在办公室，和我的孩子呆在一起。但我没有。邮件和订单焦虑一次又一次地发生。叹息。产后10个月的时候，我终于走出了阴霾，但我发现我的工作中确实有一些地方让我很纠结。还没有解决方案，但我丈夫现在帮我检查邮件，这帮了我很大的忙。小步?”

Rudy Jude dress.">

Surya戴着鲁迪·裘德礼服。

Janet Lansbury. The things she says make so much sense. But I find in practice...do I just have harder kids??? I mean, I don’t. Right? Anyway, most parenting books I feel similarly about. I think they have great ideas and I try to incorporate the things that work for our family and I screw up minimally 50% of the time. The most helpful thing for me has been just talking to other moms. The solidarity of hearing that other families are struggling with the same things is a great reset for me."">

“我真的很想去爱珍妮特·兰斯伯里。她说的话很有道理。但我在实践中发现……做I just have harder kids??? I mean, I don’t. Right? Anyway, most parenting books I feel similarly about. I think they have great ideas and I try to incorporate the things that work for our family and I screw up minimally 50% of the time. The most helpful thing for me has been just talking to other moms. The solidarity of hearing that other families are struggling with the same things is a great reset for me."

"For me, that’s a lot of parenthood. Just be there. Be present. Grand gestures are great but in the end, you just need someone to drive you to piano lessons for the 97th week in a row, to remind you about your water bottle that you always forget at school, to remember that you like green olives better than black."">

”很多。说实话，在我认识的妈妈中，很少有我不敬佩的。这是一份艰难的工作。每当我和其他妈妈在一起时，我都敬畏地看着她们度过每一天。我自己的母亲是母性荣耀的灯塔。她出现了，与众不同。当我怀着Mikio的时候，我妈妈读了一篇关于其他文化中女性产后支持的文章。在许多地方，有30到40天的时间，新妈妈们被照顾、培养，并被允许与母亲和孩子联系，而没有外界的压力和期望。还有我们是如何辜负美国的母亲们——许多女性甚至连两周的产假都没有，更不用说四周的照顾了。我妈妈读了那篇文章，提出在孩子出生后和我们一起住40天。 It’s one of the most amazing gifts she could have ever given me."

“对我来说，这是很多为人父母的责任。就在那里。是礼物。大方的姿态很好，但最终，你只需要有人连续97周开车送你去上钢琴课，提醒你不要忘记带在学校的水瓶，记住你更喜欢绿橄榄而不是黑橄榄。”

"One of the most formative things about my childhood was that I grew up across the street from my grandparents. My parents got divorced when I was seven? Eight? My stepdad came into the picture shortly after, but he lived in the Bay Area until my parents retired, so I consider myself growing up with a single mom. She was doing the lion’s share of it all on her own, along with my grandparents. As a result, we spent a lot of time with them. I have so many memories of eating bologna sandwiches and alphabet soup in their cool, green-linoleum-floored house. We played outside all day. My sister is three years younger, so while she probably grew up faster having an older sister, I grew up slower. We were still playing fairies and make believe far past my peers, I’m sure. I remember we saved our allowance for months and months to pool it and buy an American Girl doll. I think I was twelve by the time we saved enough. Needless to say, I didn’t get much play out of it."">

“我在加州中央山谷尘土飞扬的田野里长大。我祖父和他哥哥有一个农场，种桃子、杏仁和红薯。我妈妈是在我父母离婚后拿到教师学位的。我们的小镇很小，我有点异类。不是因为我觉得自己被评判了，也不是因为我完全是个局外人，而是因为我与众不同。我的大多数朋友都是墨西哥裔美国人或印度裔美国人，而我是日本人和白种人的混血儿。他们都是天主教徒或锡克教徒，他们的父母通常比我的嬉皮妈妈小十岁，我的妈妈带我们去看大师，做一些“奇怪”的事情，比如冥想。我参加了无数次quinceañeras和婚礼，我觉得自己是唯一一个不上去领圣餐的人。”

“对我童年影响最大的一件事是，我和祖父母就住在街对面。我父母在我七岁的时候离婚了?八?不久之后，我的继父出现了，但他一直住在旧金山湾区，直到我父母退休，所以我认为自己是在单亲妈妈的陪伴下长大的。她独自承担了大部分的工作，还有我的祖父母。因此，我们花了很多时间和他们在一起。我有很多在他们凉爽的绿色油毡地板的房子里吃腊肠三明治和字母汤的回忆。我们在外面玩了一整天。我妹妹比我小三岁，所以她可能因为有一个姐姐而成长得更快，而我成长得更慢。我敢肯定，我们还在玩精灵和假装游戏，远远超过同龄人。 I remember we saved our allowance for months and months to pool it and buy an American Girl doll. I think I was twelve by the time we saved enough. Needless to say, I didn’t get much play out of it."

"The other part of parenting for me is letting go. I am naturally a bit neurotic and get fixated on things. I’m super conscientious about what my kids eat because I can see a clear connection between the food they eat and how they are able to function. That being said, I won’t be the person who doesn’t let them eat a cupcake at a birthday party. It’s just not worth it. What I can do is make their birthday cakes. I can choose how to nourish them under my roof. And then I need to let go a little because it will make me crazy. I can want them to play with the magical wooden tree house toy in the playroom but also know that they are going to fill it with Ninjago Lego people. There needs to be space for both."">

“飞行。真正的。我大部分时间都不知道自己在做什么。我尽量保持尊重。我和我的孩子们聊天。我不会对他们隐瞒什么。我是诚实的。当我搞砸了，我道歉，这是很多。但我觉得这里面有很多力量。做一个人没关系。 You will screw up. I will screw up. I might yell at you even though that’s not helpful at all. You will tell me you hate me. But we can heal together. I just hope that my kids get that. That I will show up for them. And do the work. That we are constantly learning and growing but that we are a team. And that tomorrow is a new day and they are so loved that it makes my face hurt."

“对我来说，为人父母的另一部分是放手。我天生有点神经质，对事物很执着。我对我的孩子吃什么非常认真，因为我可以看到他们吃的食物和他们的功能之间有明确的联系。话虽如此，我不会在生日派对上不让他们吃小蛋糕的。不值得这么做。我能做的就是给他们做生日蛋糕。我可以选择如何在我的屋檐下滋养他们。然后我需要放手一点因为这会让我发疯。我可以希望他们在游戏室里玩神奇的木制树屋玩具，但也知道他们会用忍者乐高人填满它。两者都需要空间。”

"My grandparents and huge extended family were all sent to relocation camps during WWII. Their parents immigrated here from Japan in the early 1900s. My grandpa spent his 17th birthday in a horse stall at the local fairground where the horse shit had been whitewashed over to make it 'livable.' They, along with their families, were put on trains with covered windows—so they couldn’t see where they were being taken—and shipped to the desert in Colorado. Two generations of an entire ethnic population, changed forever. Not to mention how that trickles into today and beyond. All in the name of a completely baseless questioning of loyalty of a group of people based on their ancestry alone. They came here for a better life and were deemed dangerous with zero evidence. Not a single case of treason was ever found."">

“是也不是。我一直在政治上很活跃，所以这一点没有改变。我和一个嬉皮士妈妈一起长大，她也是日本人，她带我去参加抗议活动，对美国的种族主义和性别歧视非常坦率。我们的家人鼓励我们提出问题，发表意见。多年来，我一直努力保持活跃，保持消息灵通，但当前的政治气候已经清楚地表明，我们还有很长的路要走。不过，说实话，它一直都在那里。现在更多的人只是看到了。这个国家是建立在奴隶和土著人的基础上的。这并不是“随着时间的推移而变得更好”。这需要认可和认真的工作。”

“二战期间，我的祖父母和一大家子人都被送到了集中营。他们的父母在20世纪初从日本移民到这里。我爷爷17岁的生日是在当地游乐场的一个马厩里度过的，那里的马粪都被粉刷过，让它“适合居住”。他们和他们的家人一起，被放在窗户被盖上的火车上——这样他们就看不见他们被带到哪里——然后被运往科罗拉多州的沙漠。整个民族的两代人，永远地改变了。更不用说这对今天和以后的影响了。这一切都是在毫无根据的质疑一群人的忠诚，仅仅基于他们的祖先。他们来这里是为了过上更好的生活，没有证据就被认为是危险人物。没有发现一起叛国罪。”

"We talk a lot about privilege in our family. And justice. And inclusion. Because kindness is absolutely necessary and beautiful. But there were many kind people who did nothing while this atrocity happened. That happened then, it’s happening now. So kindness is a start but without conversations about justice and equity, about racism and classism and xenophobia and gender bias and abelism and homophobia and transphobia—it’s an incomplete conversation. Yes, be nice to the people around you. Speak kind words. But also, SPEAK UP. Learn to recognize microagressions and practice how to deal with them. Don’t be a bystander. Words matter. As a woman of color, raising white-presenting boys in America, I feel a real responsibility to teach them to acknowledge and use their privilege. So part of teaching kindness is saying, 'Your path is starting with so many less roadblocks than so many other people. What can we do to all move forward together?'"">

“作为一个成年人，作为一个母亲，我经常想起我的曾祖父母。我想象着把你的家人装进你能携带的袋子里的创伤和羞耻。身处尘土飞扬的荒原，无法给孩子们我们都在努力争取的东西，那该是多么绝望啊……感觉安全。我爷爷从营地开始就自愿参军。当他的国家到处都是“日本人不得入内”的标志时，他和许多其他日裔美国人自愿保卫它。这让我很吃惊。”

“我们经常谈论家庭中的特权。和正义。和包容。因为善良是绝对必要和美丽的。但是，当这种暴行发生时，有许多善良的人什么也没做。过去发生过，现在也在发生。所以善良是一个开始，但是如果没有关于正义和公平的对话，关于种族主义、阶级主义、仇外心理、性别偏见、无神论、同性恋恐惧症和变性恐惧症——这是一个不完整的对话。是的，要善待你周围的人。说友善的话。但也要大声说出来。 Learn to recognize microagressions and practice how to deal with them. Don’t be a bystander. Words matter. As a woman of color, raising white-presenting boys in America, I feel a real responsibility to teach them to acknowledge and use their privilege. So part of teaching kindness is saying, 'Your path is starting with so many less roadblocks than so many other people. What can we do to all move forward together?'"

"Beyond that, though, I always offer the practical suggestion of getting your birth and postpartum team sorted before baby comes. Have a doula. Find out if your hospital or birthing center has a lactation consultant, and if not, I strongly suggest you find one on your own. Hopefully it will all go smoothly and easily but if it doesn’t, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT and you have a team of people who can help when you’re in your most vulnerable state. And look up some mom groups before baby comes. Those early days can be so lonely and other moms are the best."">

“实际上，我尽量不给准妈妈建议。我发现很多事情都是你必须经历的，然后找到自己的路。我的难题不是你的难题，反之亦然。我当然不会说，‘时间过得太快了，好好享受每一秒。“因为我死在这场风暴中了，我想，虽然这一切过得很快，但在你经历过最艰难的事情时，听到这句话是毫无帮助的。”我通常会说，‘我在这里。我明天给你发短信。你不需要回信。我会把食物送到你家门口。等你准备好了再来看你几分钟。’”

“除此之外，我总是提供实用的建议，在孩子出生之前安排好你的分娩和产后团队。找个助产师。看看你的医院或分娩中心是否有哺乳顾问，如果没有，我强烈建议你自己找一个。希望一切都能顺利而轻松地进行，但如果没有，这不是你的错，当你处于最脆弱的状态时，你有一群人可以帮助你。在宝宝出生之前找一些妈妈团。那些早期的日子可能会很孤独，其他妈妈是最好的。”

"We see these families that have it all figured out. A mother in a bikini, two weeks postpartum. Her other kids hanging calmly on a set of towels that you saw last week on an IG ad and are $250. Everything is in a color palette, all with the same filter. No one is crying or yelling or pooping. Her shirt is not milk-stained. She has beach waves and the kids are wearing white. HOW??????"">

“嘘!社交媒体。很奇怪，对吧?我喜欢它让我有机会接触到那些我永远不会遇到的人和地方。这让我和女性建立了联系，我在现实生活中和她们成为了真正的朋友。其核心在于，通过巧妙组合的网格来描绘生活的真实图景是不可能的。这让人感觉糟透了。尤其是妈妈。”

“我们看到这些家庭已经解决了所有问题。一个产后两周，穿着比基尼的妈妈。她的其他孩子平静地挂在一套毛巾上，你上周在IG广告上看到过，售价250美元。一切都在调色板上，都用同样的滤镜。没人哭，没人喊，没人拉屎。她的衬衫没有牛奶渍。她有沙滩浪，孩子们穿着白色的衣服。如何? ?”

"Every time I post something that is actually real, people are like, 'YES THANK YOU.' Because guess what, you acknowledging that life can be really tough, that sometimes you don’t like your kids even though you love them, that part of motherhood is fighting through the mundane—that doesn’t make you less of a mother. That doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. It means you’re human. Everyone feels like that at some point. The social media version of motherhood is unattainable. Because even the people who look like they have it all together, still struggle. It’s hard to convey that in a grid, the messiness of love and life. We just have to remember that somewhere there is someone looking at you, the way you are looking at this other person. They think you have it figured out. Your messy hair looks easier to comb. They can see the beauty in your postpartum belly where you cannot. They see you thriving, while you flail. If only we could give ourselves the grace we grant to others—to our children, to our friends, to complete strangers. I’m definitely actively trying to work towards that."">

“我在这方面有几个方面是有罪的。第一，我是一个视觉型的人。我是一名设计师，尽管写出来会觉得很奇怪。我希望一切都是美好的。所以，是的，我给我的孩子和漂亮的东西拍照。我过滤它们，奇怪的是，我确实考虑了我的网格看起来像什么。我也会把别人在社交媒体上的表现看作是他们真实生活的真实反映，尽管我知道这对我自己来说是多么不真实。但我也很诚实地承认这有多难。即使有那么多的事情使我的生活如此美好和充实，我在这里告诉你，我的生活是疯狂的。我的孩子们总是吵架。 They are either deeply in love or I can’t get them to stop hitting each other. My oldest has said he hates me so many times that the two-year-old has picked it up. My baby won’t take a bottle and wakes up every three hours at night. I’ve become a meme of a mother. I eat scraps and get up fifteen times during dinner because I can’t seem to set a table with napkins, utensils, and drinks. I am so patient until I’m not and then I’m a total jerk. I’ve yelled at my kids way too many times. Am I proud of these things? NO. Am I alone? NO."

“每次我发一些真实的东西，人们都会说，‘是的，谢谢。因为你知道，你承认生活真的很艰难，有时你爱你的孩子，但你不喜欢他们，做母亲的一部分就是与世俗作斗争——这并不会让你少做一个母亲。这并不意味着你做得不好。这意味着你是人类。每个人都有这样的感觉。社交媒体版的母性是遥不可及的。因为即使是那些看起来很成功的人，也仍然在挣扎。很难用网格来表达爱和生活的混乱。我们只需要记住，在某个地方有人在看着你，就像你看着另一个人一样。他们认为你已经搞清楚了。 Your messy hair looks easier to comb. They can see the beauty in your postpartum belly where you cannot. They see you thriving, while you flail. If only we could give ourselves the grace we grant to others—to our children, to our friends, to complete strangers. I’m definitely actively trying to work towards that."

你怎么知道妈妈是设计师?当她的孩子匹配瓷砖。

“哈!身体上、情感上、后勤上、经济上、精神上，我不能再要孩子了。也就是说，荷尔蒙是很强大的东西。我仍然发现自己在看分娩视频时哭泣，因为分娩是如此美丽。或者为我的肚子再也胀不起来而悲伤，那种小外星人向你伸出犄角的感觉。我一直想领养孩子，所以也许吧!但我认为从生理上讲，我不应该再生孩子了。”

妈妈和她的小儿子。

“我有一家名为Tosan的公司。在我有了儿子之后，我意识到没有人能满足爸爸们的需求。我有一个很酷的丈夫，他非常投入，但市场上的每一种产品都是针对妈妈们的。Tosan在日语中是爸爸的意思，是对我的血统的认可。”

Tosan是男装与亲子关系、边角料牛仔布和老爸牛仔裤、老式卡车和汽车座椅、半程马拉松和慢跑婴儿车的交汇点。我们相信父亲的内在和不可否认的伟大。我们认为你在有孩子之前很酷，但你现在更酷了。儿子和女儿在最深的层次上改变了我们，但这种改变并不一定意味着你对使用满是小鸭子的装备感到非常兴奋。我们明白了。我们为世界各地的爸爸们采购和制造精心设计的美国制造的商品。你忙着向一个小人类展示如何生活，让我们帮你弄清楚你一路上需要的东西。”

Mikio的万圣节工艺品，妈妈把它变成了精美的艺术品。

"But I’m still so inspired by the concept. I still believe in the brand so strongly. I owe it to myself and my vision to give an all-in push at some point. What that looks like continues to evolve. What I do know is I don’t want to do it by myself. I want to work with other creatives, other dreamers, other visionaries, other moms. That’s exciting to think about."">

“这是一家由我自己组成的公司，所以完成任务并成长无疑是一项挑战。今年是我们作为一个品牌成立五周年，它能幸存下来真是太不可思议了。母性和小企业是一对奇怪的伴侣。它们看起来应该真的有用。但在现实中，它是如此复杂。随时都能工作的“灵活性”意味着你一直都在工作。这是孤独的。作为一个有创造力的人，我很难独自工作。我需要合作!我需要你的意见! I need snack breaks with other humans! I worked for so many years in a big company, on a big team. Now I’m answering emails using 'we' at 11 p.m. and it makes me question everything."

“但我仍然受到这个概念的启发。我仍然坚信这个品牌。为了我自己和我的愿景，我应该在某个时候全力以赴。它的样子还在继续演变。我只知道我不想一个人去做。我想和其他有创造力的人，梦想家，有远见的人一起工作妈妈。想想都令人兴奋。”

"I then worked three jobs at a time for a couple of years, just trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I would spend my lunch breaks cold calling anyone I could find who had a cool sounding job. And I HATE calling like that. I hate the phone in general! But I was desperate to find my way. So, I called museum display designers and fashion show producers and model makers and t-shirt printers. I worked for a lighting designer and had an internship at a clothing company. And waited tables to make ends meet. I finally interviewed with a woman for an assistant position for her color forecasting company and she connected me with some freelance work at The North Face. At that point, I had zero apparel experience, but I could use Illustrator so I got the job. Eventually that led me to Old Navy, where I was for almost ten years in men’s apparel design."

"There was a lot of fake it til you make it with my career. So much of figuring things out on the fly and just working my ass off to keep up and succeed. Things don’t just come naturally to me. I’m not super talented or have amazing connections. This is not self detrimental, but a gift in itself. I know that I am willing to work harder than a lot of people. It makes me glad that everything doesn’t just happen for me. I know I’ve earned it."">

“我在加州的中央山谷长大。我去了加州大学戴维斯分校，主修设计。室内建筑是我的重点。我以为我想成为一名建筑师，但后来我在大学时在一家公司工作，意识到我对持续数年的项目的注意力跨度太短了。我2002年毕业，当时正值第二次互联网泡沫破灭。我投了几百份简历，却一无所获。我终于需要一份工作，在一个课后项目找到了一份工作。我负责艺术项目和一般的孩子争吵。当时我想当一名高中木工教师，兼职做家具。太有趣了! But I knew I didn’t want to do it forever."

“之后的几年里，我同时做了三份工作，只是想弄清楚我想做什么。我会利用午休时间给任何我能找到的工作听起来很酷的人打电话。我讨厌这样打电话。总的来说，我讨厌电话!但我不顾一切地想找到自己的路。所以，我打电话给博物馆展览设计师、时装秀制作人、模型制作者和t恤印刷商。我曾为一家灯光设计师工作过，还在一家服装公司实习过。当服务员来维持生计。最后，我面试了一位女士，她想为她的色彩预测公司谋一个助理职位，她给我介绍了The North Face的一些自由职业。那时，我对服装毫无经验，但我会使用Illustrator，所以我得到了这份工作。 Eventually that led me to Old Navy, where I was for almost ten years in men’s apparel design."

“在我的事业取得成功之前，有很多人都是假装的。太多的事情都是在匆忙中解决的，我拼命地工作以跟上并取得成功。事情对我来说不是自然而然的。我不是很有天赋，也没有很好的人际关系。这本身并不是有害的，而是一种礼物。我知道我愿意比很多人更努力地工作。这让我很高兴，不是所有的事情都发生在我身上。我知道这是我应得的。”

游戏室和全家休息室。

“完全!我想如果我没有孩子，我可能还在一家大公司做设计。一个人生活很艰难，但我也无法想象现在回去的样子。另外，我的公司确实是受到了我儿子的启发。”

“我们所做的!我丈夫开玩笑说，你需要一个3比1的比例，成人和孩子，感觉很容易，我们从来没有这样做了。我妈妈和我继父每周三会来一次，这是最好的礼物。我们刚开始请保姆每周帮忙照看几个小时，这改变了我们的生活。我们负担不起更多的时间，但这一小块精神空间已经很大了。”

“从很多方面来说，我觉得你不该问我。我在挣扎。困难的。但我想说，我对自己说的比任何人都多，对自己和你的期望要温和。没有办法做到“面面俱到”。寻求帮助，接受帮助。依靠你的社区。给自己一点恩惠，知道这是一个时间点。你会有很多年不去关注这些事情，你会有更多的时间和精力去做你觉得自己缺少的事情。”

"What’s most helpful to me is just to talk to someone about it. I create so many narratives in my mind as I spin. When I’m forced to verbalize them, I'm clearer on what feelings are worth digging into. Either way, I know that I want my kids to watch me figure this out as they grow up. I want them to see me struggling and thriving and stretching and growing, so it’s important to not put aside my dreams and aspirations."">

“是啊!这很难，因为有些是自我强加的，有些是社会强加的。当我怀孕的时候，我问我的大儿子，他会对他即将出生的弟弟说什么，他说，“嗯，妈妈有托桑，有时她太忙了，没时间陪你玩。”我很震惊。尼克是全职工作，我从来没能做到这一点，但这是我孩子的看法。有另一个实体吸引了我的注意力。我总是觉得自己在这两件事上都做得不好。并为此感到内疚。当我的焦虑以某种方式表现出来时，我可以自制万圣节服装，但却不能查看电子邮件，这让我感到困惑。”

“对我最有帮助的就是和别人谈谈。当我旋转的时候，我在脑海里创造了很多故事。当我被迫用语言表达它们时，我更清楚哪些感觉值得深入挖掘。不管怎样，我知道我想让我的孩子们看着我长大后明白这一点。我想让他们看到我在努力奋斗、茁壮成长、不断伸展和成长，所以重要的是不要放弃我的梦想和抱负。”

Molly was just starting her landscape design business and took us on as early clients. I sort of thought she was going to just come have wine and chat about plants but she brought this incredible vision. I honestly can’t take much credit for design at all except that we had extensive conversations about the overall feeling—warm and lived in, like it had been there for years. The house is so clean and modern looking from the outside in the back. The garden needed to be soft and weathered. We also really wanted a place for the kids to play and create. We both grew up in rural areas and it was important that our kids have some semblance of having nature they could go and be in without us."">

“啊!后院真是太神奇了。我们选择这所房子的部分原因是它的院子很大，但是我们的钱和时间都用完了，所以在两年的时间里，它就像一片杂草的海洋。地面上还有一些建筑碎片，所以让孩子们自己出去是不安全的。我们的朋友莫莉刚刚开始她的景观设计业务，把我们作为早期客户。我以为她只是来喝杯酒，聊聊植物，但她带来了令人难以置信的愿景。老实说，我不能把设计归功于什么，除了我们就整体感觉进行了广泛的讨论——温暖和居住，就像它已经存在了很多年一样。从外面到后面看，这房子既干净又现代。花园需要柔软和风化。我们也很想给孩子们一个玩耍和创作的地方。我们都是在农村长大的，重要的是我们的孩子能有一些自然的感觉，他们可以在没有我们的情况下自己去。”

Ilana Kohn jumpsuit. Masi wears a Patagonia jacket and Boho Choses pants.">

Surya穿了一件Ilana科恩连身裤。马西穿了一件巴塔哥尼亚夹克和那种波西米亚风格的东西裤子。

"We are in a bit of a bubble out here by the beach. It’s quiet. We know our neighbors. We are two blocks from Golden Gate Park and four blocks from the ocean. It’s pretty dreamy. An amazing added bonus is that we have a lot of friends who live in the neighborhood. We have to drive to Mikio’s school every day, but besides that we don’t really drive at all. I love, love, love that we can walk or ride bikes to so many amazing spots. In a single morning, we can be at the beach, ride to get spam musubi, walk to the skatepark, grab a coffee, and then stop at the grocery store on the way home." ">

“我喜欢他们在成长过程中接触到这么多东西。无论他们对什么感兴趣，我们都能找到培养他们的方法。艺术、音乐、美食、自然——都在这里!在我们的朋友身边长大也很好，他们的职业很酷，很多样化——教师、画家、木工、设计师、医生、助产士。重要的是，让他们看到，作为一个成年人，有多少美好的事情要做，他们所敬仰的许多成年人不一定走传统的上大学、找一份办公室工作的道路，他们中的一些人走了这条路，而且他们都很成功。”

“我们在海滩上有点像泡沫。它是安静的。我们了解我们的邻居。我们离金门公园两个街区，离大海四个街区。这很梦幻。一个令人惊奇的额外好处是我们有很多朋友住在附近。我们每天都得开车去Mikio的学校，但除此之外，我们根本不开车。我爱，爱，爱我们可以步行或骑自行车去这么多神奇的地方。在一个早上，我们可以在海滩，骑车去买午餐肉，走到滑板场，喝杯咖啡，然后在回家的路上停在杂货店。”

Trouble for a girlfriend tea and a cinnamon toast. Andytown has the only decaf worth drinking and the best chocolate chip cookies. Avenues' Spam musubi. Enough said.  People swear by the breakfast sando at Devil’s Teeth, but Mikio is more into the cookies that are as big as his face. Other Avenues is legit the best grocery store. Woods has a great wine and beer selection, and a fire pit outside. Outerlands is not a secret at all, but still SO GOOD. Buy the bread to-go on your way out. Make french toast with it the next day. Hook Fish has been the dreamiest addition to our neighborhood. They serve the freshest fish, which we get in their burritos, but also get to take home to cook as well. Woodshop is made up of the nicest group of guys, making the best looking stuff. Winning combo. Blackbird Books has a perfectly curated kids book section, story time on Saturdays, and an outdoor train set in the back. General Store and Case for Making are the best spots to grab a small, thoughtful gift. And we play all day at Blue Boat Park, Playland at 43rd, the beach, and Golden Gate Park."">

“这些天，我们已经远离了酷炫的场景。就像，出去。但我们知道我们的兜帽，因为我们从不离开它。而且有这么多好东西!麻烦给女朋友的茶和肉桂吐司。Andytown有唯一值得喝的无咖啡因咖啡和最好吃的巧克力饼干。途径的垃圾邮件musubi。足够的说。人们都很喜欢早餐三明治魔鬼的牙齿但是Mikio更喜欢和他的脸一样大的饼干。其他途径是合法的最好的杂货店。森林有很多葡萄酒和啤酒可供选择，外面还有一个火坑。Outerlands并不是什么秘密，但还是很好。把面包买下来，走的时候带上。第二天用它做法式吐司。钩鱼是我们社区最理想的新成员。他们供应最新鲜的鱼，我们可以在他们的墨西哥卷饼里买到，但也可以带回家做。Woodshop是由最好的一群人组成的，做最好看的东西。获胜的组合。黑鸟的书有一个精心策划的儿童读物区，周六有故事时间，后面还有一个户外火车布景。百货商店和制作案例都是买到贴心小礼物的最佳地点。我们整天在蓝船公园玩，43街的Playland海滩和金门公园。”

“旧金山是件苦差事。很多人都过了。这里很贵，中产阶级化是真的，感觉社会经济和种族多样性处于历史最低水平。街上有便便，你的车可能会被人撬开。我明白了。但也有太多太多的爱。对于那些需要改进的地方，我正努力在我们的社区中积极应对。我还忘不了你，旧金山。这段时间你得跟着我了。”

“实用、舒适、用心。我整天跑来跑去。我还在照顾两个孩子。我没有穿白色丝绸。有很多层，因为这是旧金山，我们住在海边。但我尽量不买那些小的、合乎道德的品牌。实际上我的衣柜非常有限。我大概穿10件。我一直在改进，所以即使我很多时候都穿同样的衣服，它们也能让我感觉很协调。我继续尝试少买一些我知道会更耐用的东西。 I had a professor in college who wore an oversized striped button-down shirt, Hunter boots, and red lipstick every day. She always looked the same and always looked amazing. I’m aiming for that."

“Yes-ish ?我想我现在穿得更酷了。我以前在时尚界工作过，所以我买了更多时髦的衣服，不过都是从便宜的快时尚品牌那里买的。当了妈妈让我把一切都简化了，包括我的衣柜。我更愿意买那些经久耐用的衣服。我以前也穿高跟鞋??也许再也不会了。”

Pansy Co. and I love them so much. They run small, so I wear the XXL but they are so comfortable. Bras for big boobs are notoriously gross and matronly. I have a few pairs of pants, all the elastic waists. More comfortable, but they all have interesting shapes on their own. My current favorites are Black Crane, Poem, and Ijji. I tried on jeans the other day and it was so depressing. My poor body has been through the wringer. But I’m on the hunt for a good high-rise option with some stretch. I want to wear things like Kamm pants but they just don’t work for my body type."

"Then you need some good tees. My forever favorites are Skargorn because they are so thick. But I also have some Old Navy ones that are legit ten years old at this point and the perfect soft and thinness. I’ll be bummed when they die. I have a few jumpsuits, most of them Ilana Kohn, but I have some maternity ones from Storq that I will wear forever, pregnant or not, because they are so comfortable. And the Sunset jumper from Neve + Hawk! Of course, you need some layers. I have a Black Crane overshirt, an Ilana Kohn denim chore coat, and an Old Navy denim shirt that I just rotate. Oh and I have two Babaa sweaters. That’s really it."

"For shoes I have three pairs of Birkenstocks. It’s gotten so bad that when I dress up, I’m like, 'I can wear Birks with this, right?' Spoiler alert, I shouldn’t. I also buy nothing full price. Ever. Most of my stuff is from noihsaf.bazaar from IG, which if you haven’t heard of, you’re welcome. Midrange priced, used pieces. Keeps clothes out of the landfill and me out of the poorhouse. I wear my wedding ring and my beloved Ariel Gordon necklace every day. And add one of my two pairs of earrings when I’m getting fancy—a.k.a twice a year."">

“首先,内衣。胸罩对我来说太难找了。我的胸其实挺大的，而且在过去的六年里，我有四年都是护士……对了，前两个宝宝只想在一边吃奶。哇。总之，我发现三色堇有限公司。我非常爱他们。它们的尺寸很小，所以我穿XXL，但它们很舒服。大胸文胸是出了名的恶心和女性化。我有几条裤子，都是松紧带的。更舒适，但他们都有自己有趣的形状。我现在最喜欢的是黑色的起重机，诗,Ijji。前几天我试穿了一条牛仔裤，感觉很压抑。我可怜的身体受了很大的折磨。但我在找一个有弹性的高层建筑。我想穿这样的衣服卡姆的裤子但它们不适合我的体型。”

“那么你需要一些好的发球台。我永远的最爱Skargorn因为它们太厚了。但我也有一些老海军现在已经放了十年了，又软又薄。他们死的时候我会很伤心的。我有几件连身衣，大部分都有Ilana科恩但是我有一些孕妇用的Storq无论怀孕与否，我都会永远穿着它，因为它们太舒服了。还有Neve + Hawk的日落跳投!当然，你需要一些层次。我有一个黑色的起重机外套式衬衫,一个Ilana科恩牛仔杂役大衣，和一件老海军牛仔衬衫，我只是旋转。哦，我有两个Babaa毛衣。就是这样。”

“我有三双鞋一大堆。它变得如此糟糕，以至于当我打扮起来的时候，我想，‘我可以穿Birks，对吧?’剧透一下，我不应该。我也不买全价的东西。永远。我的大部分东西都来自noihsaf.bazaar来自IG，如果你没听说过，没关系。中档价格，二手件。让衣服远离垃圾填埋场，让我远离济贫院。我戴着我的结婚戒指和我的爱人阿里尔戈登每天戴项链。再加上我两副耳环中的一副当我变漂亮的时候。一年两次。”

Scunci for the hair ties that I drag my probably unwashed hair into a bun with every day. I need to do a WAY better job of having a routine. One thing is, I’m super focused on clean products, all around. So that is everything from laundry detergent to conditioner to mascara. Yes, I’m super neurotic about it. I try and avoid plastic if at all possible, use refillable containers, or buy things that can be recycled. I’ve gotten really sensitive to scents so I stick to things that use natural ingredients."

"Things that definitely happen: I wash my face in the shower with Luxaskin facial cleansing oil. It’s locally owned and developed by two super rad women that I’ve known for over ten years and it’s a moment of luxury I get every day...ugh, what a mom thing to say. I use Wildest toothpaste which I really like! And the tube is recyclable aluminum. I sometimes get it together to put lotion on my face. When I do, I use Luxaskin purifying moisturizer or Earth tu Face Oil. If it’s at night, I use Vintner’s Daughter, which was a total splurge, but I like it a lot. When I wash my hair, I use True Botanicals. I have SO MUCH HAIR. It’s sort of exhausting, but I haven’t gotten it together to get a haircut. It’s naturally wavy so if I do this very specific dance with it where I comb it at the appropriate time and put the right product in at the exact right time of the drying process...it looks ok. I just bought some Oribe stuff—not the cleanest, ingredient-wise—that seems to be working for me! For makeup, it’s either nothing or a full face with winged eyeliner. I use a tinted moisturizer and concealer from Luxaskin, but they are discontinuing their makeup line which is the worst news ever. Eyeliner is a Stila pen and has been for a good twelve years at this point. When I do cut my hair, it’s with Nichole at Barrow and a million shoutouts to Maddi at Michele Holmes Studio for helping me get my brows back to the large and in charge status of my dreams. The '90s were not kind to eyebrows. I’m looking at you, Gwen Stefani."">

大声喊出Scunci我每天都把我可能没洗过的头发挽成一个发髻。我需要做一个更好的工作，有一个例行公事。一件事是，我非常关注清洁产品，所有的。从洗衣粉到护发素再到睫毛膏，都是这样。是的，我对此超级神经质。如果可能的话，我尽量避免使用塑料，使用可重复填充的容器，或者购买可以回收的东西。我对气味非常敏感，所以我坚持使用天然成分的东西。”

“肯定会发生的事情:我用淋浴洗脸Luxaskin洁面油。它是由两个超级时髦的女人在当地拥有和开发的，我认识她们已经十多年了，这是我每天都能享受的奢侈时刻……真是个妈妈该说的话。我使用最疯狂的牙膏我真的很喜欢!管子是可回收的铝。我有时会把它放在一起，在脸上涂乳液。当我这样做的时候，我使用Luxaskin净化保湿霜或大地面膜油。如果是在晚上，我用酿造葡萄酒的人的女儿这完全是一笔挥霍，但我非常喜欢。当我洗头的时候，我用真正的植物。我的头发太多了。虽然有点累，但我还没攒够钱去理发。头发是天然的波浪状，所以如果我在合适的时间梳理头发，在干燥过程的合适时间放入合适的产品……看起来不错。我刚买了一些Oribe不是最干净的东西，成分方面，似乎对我有用!至于化妆，要么什么都不做，要么在整个脸上画眼线。我用了一种彩色保湿霜和遮瑕膏Luxaskin但是他们要停止他们的化妆品系列，这是有史以来最坏的消息。眼线笔是Stila在这一点上，他已经有整整12年的时间了。我剪头发的时候，是和尼科尔一起剪的巴罗一百万次为麦迪欢呼米歇尔·福尔摩斯工作室谢谢你让我的眉毛恢复到我梦想中的粗大和掌管的状态。90年代对眉毛并不友好。我在看你呢，格温·史蒂芬妮。”

Mikio wears a Nico Nico shirt, a vintage jacket embroidered by Jillian Christofferson, and Vans. Isao wears a Bobo Choses sweatshirt and pants, Pulp Co. hat, and Vans. ">

“嗯，我已经两年没有剪头发了——不是出于自愿——而且前几天我刚做了一年来的第一次足疗，所以我不会说我在自我护理领域做得很好。我想我和很多妈妈一样。我每天都兴奋地开始做任何事情——锻炼?一个人去散步?一个人上厕所?但是三个孩子的后勤工作妨碍了我，然后到了晚上8点，我所能做的就是看《bravo》——我毫无歉意地看了——然后和我丈夫一起笑我们的孩子有多疯狂。所以，答案是我没有健身计划，但我应该这么做。我刚刚又开始在一个为妈妈们准备的集体健身课上锻炼了，我去了一次，非常棒!哦!我听手机上的应用程序入睡。 It helps my mind quiet down. Then every morning for the drive to school, it always kicks on through the bluetooth speaker in the van. Mikio and I have a good little laugh about it."

美男戴着尼科尼科衬衫，一件刺绣的复古夹克吉莉安Christofferson,货车。伊索穿了一件波波的选择运动衫和裤子，纸浆有限公司帽子,货车。

"When I do get time for myself, I want to spend it with adults. I try and hang with friends or have a rare date with my husband. We count anything from walking to the grocery store together to having drinks after the kids are all down, as a date. In fact, one of my favorite moments post kids was a trip to the grocery store where he said, 'Let’s grab a beer instead.' I laughed but he said, 'I’m serious! Your parents have the kids. Let’s just run over to the bar.' It was one of the most fun 15 minutes I’ve had. That being said, to get 'me time' I have to schedule it. Which really goes against my desire for spontaneity, but I don’t know who I think I am expecting an excess of free time with three children. The last few months, I’ve been taking a ceramics class once a week that has done wonders for my sanity."">

“我得到的不多。这绝对是我正在积极研究的问题。三个孩子最困难的部分之一就是后勤工作。开车送最大的孩子去学校，然后孩子需要午睡，然后蹒跚学步的孩子也需要午睡，但是当孩子需要睡觉的时候，孩子就醒了，然后学校接孩子，把孩子接回去午睡，想好晚饭做什么——如果我下午4点还没开始，我就惨了——喂每个人，洗澡，看书，睡觉。幸运的是，我丈夫在家工作，所以我有很多帮助。然后是活动!我尽量限制我们的课程，这样孩子们就有更多的时间玩耍。但说实话，我也不知道怎么把他们都找出来。当我有一个孩子的时候，我们一起去听故事，参加妈妈的小组，游泳，听音乐。最后两首我是在浴缸里唱的，所以我觉得基本上是一样的，对吧?”

“当我有自己的时间时，我想和成年人一起度过。我试着和朋友一起玩，或者难得和我丈夫约会。我们把任何事情都算作约会，从一起走到杂货店，到孩子们都下来后一起喝酒。事实上，有了孩子后，我最喜欢的时刻之一就是去杂货店的时候，他说:“我们还是喝杯啤酒吧。”我笑了，但他说:“我是认真的!你父母有孩子。我们跑到吧台去吧。”这是我经历过的最有趣的15分钟之一。话虽如此，为了争取“个人时间”，我必须安排好时间。这确实违背了我对自发性的渴望，但我不知道我想要谁，我期待着有三个孩子的多余空闲时间。 The last few months, I’ve been taking a ceramics class once a week that has done wonders for my sanity."

"I’m careful to never say anything disparaging about myself, physical or otherwise, in front of them. I will never be on a diet or criticize my body. Ever. They see me in the shower, or my belly exposed while I nurse. I try and picture how they see me, that they think I’m beautiful. That they will never look back and say, 'Remember that Mama had stretch marks?' They will just remember that I was a soft place to settle into, that I smelled like clary sage, that my glasses always left little red indentations on my nose bridge. They won’t know that I don’t like my arms unless I keep reminding them, and I won’t let them remember me being unkind to myself."

"I try to limit the critical things I have to say about other people around them as well. Writing that down, it seems so obvious, but in practice, keeping my sarcastic comments to myself is harder than it seems."">

“这是一切。但当我成为母亲的时候，我开始意识到，对我来说，做一个榜样是人性和平易近人的。我曾经把榜样看作是完美的标志，应该在各个方面加以模仿。但我并不完美。我有很深的缺陷。我在想办法，和其他人一样。所以我希望我的孩子看到我在成长，在改变，在适应，在坚强，在脆弱……我希望我能向他们展示我身上的这些东西，这样他们也能在自己身上找到这些东西。”

“我很小心，从不在他们面前说任何贬低自己的话，无论是身体上的还是其他方面的。我永远不会节食或批评我的身体。永远。他们看到我洗澡，或者我喂奶时露出肚子。我试着想象他们是怎么看我的，他们觉得我很漂亮。他们永远不会回头说:“还记得妈妈有妊娠纹吗?”他们只会记得我是一个柔软的地方，我闻起来像鼠尾草，我的眼镜总是在鼻梁上留下红色的小凹痕。除非我不断提醒他们，否则他们不会知道我不喜欢我的胳膊，而且我不会让他们记住我对自己不好。”

“我也试着限制自己对周围人的批评。把这些话写下来，这似乎是显而易见的，但在实践中，把我的讽刺言论藏在心里比看起来要难得多。”

“Tosan明年将得到一些应得的关注。这是个好主意。这是一个很酷的概念。它有腿。我从印刷12件运动衫开始，然后我把它发展成一个非常受人尊敬的小生意，完全靠我自己。我迫不及待地想看到它如何发展和开花，一旦我有时间和精力给它应得的。就我个人而言，有那么多又那么少。我想继续努力，对自己更宽容一些。再自私一点。别那么内疚了。 It’s my 40th birthday next year and our 10th wedding anniversary. There will be a trip, adults only, and it’s going to be amazing. I’m going to miss my kids but they will be fine and we can toast them from a beach somewhere. Gotta put your oxygen mask on first."

her and Tosan on Instagram. ">

想了解更多关于Surya，她的儿子们，以及她对母亲的诚实看法，请务必关注她的和到Instagram。