妈妈。

“我们四年前找到了我们的房子。我们找遍了整个城市的街区，一旦我们接受了这个事实，我们可能不得不离开我们心爱的伯纳尔高地，以获得更多的空间和一个院子。它在外面的日落里，看起来很遥远。但我是来参加开放日的。“我对这个地方有种感觉，”我说。我丈夫是个实用主义者，他看到后说，‘嗯。也许你对这房子没有感觉。这是一场灾难。”就连我们的房地产经纪人都委婉地指出，大多数地方都是为了骨头而买的，但这个地方连骨头都没有。哈! But we just kept coming back to it and it felt right."

“我会说，70年代的大苏尔(Big Sur)，少些红木，斯堪的纳维亚风格，但不那么干净，我能塞多少海牧场(Sea Ranch)的东西就装多少，房子的角度、木头和圆窗户都比海牧场小得多。这是一种风格吗?”

Christi Azevedo, and contractor team, Ronan and Claude, on our previous flat in Bernal, and we love them like family and trust them completely. It took a little over a year from ground-breaking. We moved in a month before I gave birth to our second babe, so the clock was really ticking. We were planning on having a homebirth and really wanted it to be in our new space."">

“这完全是靠直觉。好处:我们不必为丢失任何时期的细节而感到难过。几乎没有什么东西需要保存。缺点:做一个地基改造是非常紧张和昂贵的。我们住在我继父的房子里，每天上下班要花一个多小时，这样持续了一年半。但我们肯定付不起任何其他方式的费用。我们竭尽全力才做到这一点。存钱，借钱，做建筑贷款，吃花生酱和果冻。但这一切都是值得的!我们和我们的建筑师一起工作，律师的代理，及承办商队伍，罗南和克劳德在我们之前在伯纳尔的公寓里，我们像爱家人一样爱他们，完全信任他们。从破土动工开始，花了一年多一点的时间。在我生第二个孩子的前一个月，我们搬了过来，所以时间非常紧迫。我们打算在家里生孩子，真的很想在我们的新空间里生。”

Natalie Martin dress. Mikio wears a Bobo Choses sweatshirt and Kid and Kind pants. Isao wears a Nico Nico shirt and Bobo Choses pants. Masi wears a Rudy Jude sweatshirt and Bobo Choses pants.">

Surya穿着一件娜塔莉·马丁礼服。Mikio穿着一件波波的选择运动衫和孩子与善良裤子。Isao穿着一件尼科尼科衬衫和波波的选择裤子。Masi穿着一件鲁迪·裘德运动衫和波波的选择裤子。

“少即是多，除非不是这样。我真的很兴奋，想在那一刻拥有所有的东西。但谁能这样生活呢?你需要慢慢收集东西。事情必须有意义。所以慢慢开始，等待合适的作品对我来说很重要。也就是说，我喜欢收藏。我喜欢我们的房子里摆满了陶瓷，有其他艺术家的作品，也有我业余制作的东西。我希望我们的孩子长大后能感受到我们家与艺术的联系，而不是满屋子都是我在网上冲动购买的昂贵、酷炫的东西。”

Derek built our couch with custom specs to fit the space. We picked a less deep seat than he usually does so there would be more play area. I couldn’t find a coffee table I liked that I could afford initially but now I love that there isn’t one. Someday we will sit there and read and need a place to put drinks or something but these are not those days. These are the days I’m glad to have the floor space and nothing for my babies to knock their heads on."">

“我们的客厅是合法居住的。我们80%的时间都是醒着的，在客厅和厨房里。所以我们希望空间是开放的，有利于人们闲逛。这实际上并不是一个巨大的足迹，所以重要的是要让事情的规模正确。我们的朋友德里克。我们用定制规格的沙发来适应这个空间。我们选了一个比他平时坐的深一点的座位，这样就有更多的玩耍空间。一开始我找不到我喜欢的咖啡桌，但现在我很高兴没有咖啡桌。总有一天，我们会坐在那里看书，需要一个地方放饮料或其他东西，但现在不是那个年代了。在这些日子里，我很高兴有空间，我的孩子们没有东西可以撞他们的头。”

Derek was making these amazing pieces, we made it happen. It was a stretch for us, but honestly not any more expensive than a new piece from a big company. Furniture takes so much time and labor to create, and then you add actual quality materials, it really adds up! Derek was a dream to work with and we looked high and low to source my signature yellow color for the upholstery. I also love love love the ceramic lights we have in the dining room, stairwell, and our bedroom. My ceramics teacher Andy threw the vessels and then we had them wired. I look at them every day and just feel so lucky to live with them. My stepdad is an incredible woodworker. He’s actually good at almost everything. I have only recently stopped calling him when I’m lost when I’m driving, but that’s just since smart phones. Anyway, he built us an incredible baby gate for our stairs. And the bookcase in the library. And the little shelf. Probably other stuff that I’m forgetting. He’s amazing." ">

“我最喜欢的东西是那些我认识的制造者的东西。我们的沙发很奢侈，但当我看到我闺蜜的弟弟德里克。就是做这些很棒的作品，我们做到了。这对我们来说是一种延伸，但说实话并不比大公司的新产品贵多少。家具需要花费这么多的时间和劳动来制作，然后你添加真正优质的材料，它真的加起来了!德里克是一个梦想的工作，我们到处寻找我的标志性黄色的内饰来源。我也很喜欢餐厅、楼梯间和卧室里的陶瓷灯。我的陶艺老师安迪扔了容器，然后装上了电线。我每天都看着它们，能和它们生活在一起，我感到很幸运。我继父是个很棒的木工。实际上他几乎什么都擅长。直到最近，当我开车时迷路时，我才不再给他打电话，但那只是因为有了智能手机。总之，他为我们的楼梯建了一个超赞的婴儿门。还有图书馆的书柜。还有那个小架子。可能还有其他我忘了的东西。他太神奇了。”

那是第一次婴儿关系。

“是的，是的。我们有一间游戏室/图书馆/客房。但是在孩子们的房间里、客厅里、我们的房间里、淋浴间里还有……你懂的。也就是说，我们会尽量限制在任何特定时间流出的东西的数量，并将大部分东西放在游戏室里。”

“无论有200种还是200种玩具和书籍可供选择，他们都会把它们都卖出去。令人印象深刻的是，事情变得如此混乱。然后他们甚至不玩任何东西，因为整个地板都被盖住了。在我们搬到这里之前的几次搬家中，我们每次都清理干净，并试图向孩子们强调，我们是如此幸运，拥有这么多，我们只是不需要更多的东西。所以我们让他们把最少数量的书和玩具放在楼下，其余的都放在阁楼上。然后当他们想要玩一些不同的东西时，他们知道他们必须交换一些占用类似空间的东西。它实际上工作得很好，但是我们的阁楼完全是一场灾难，所以很难考虑把东西放好。甚至不知道我们曾经拥有什么。我开始了一场疯狂的组织狂欢。现在，所有的东西都在单独的浴缸里，每个东西都有一个地方。 My Capricorn husband has never loved me more. And my Virgo son was totally entranced. He helped me take Polaroids of the contents of each box so they don’t have to pull it out to see what’s inside. Plus, they can see what’s supposed to be in there and put it back. That will happen, right?"

“妈妈们太棒了，我是说，真的。我们没有教我们的孩子“不要和陌生人说话”，因为我们一直都在和陌生人说话!我们住在城市里。我们向邻居问好。我们认识我们这条街上所有在店里工作的人。与他人互动很重要，去了解你不认识的人。所以我们告诉他们，‘如果你迷路了，找个妈妈。她会帮助你的。”因为我把赌注压在了妈妈们的出色上。我的大多数朋友和我敬佩的女性都是母亲。 I’m just so psyched to be a part of the club."

doesn't make me nervous? if I think back, I probably have had anxiety issues forever. At seven, I remember being worried that my life was all a dream, that I was going to wake up and be a baby and have to do it all again. At eight, I worried that every time anyone I loved drove away, it would be the last time I saw them. I always felt like I needed to say a true, loving, goodbye...just in case. When I think about my oldest being just a few years from that, it makes me so sad. What a lot to take on as a kid."

"After I had Isao—my second baby—I got pregnant again almost immediately. It was shocking. So I don’t know if it was postpartum or antenatal but I was in a deep, dark place. I was beyond sad. I just sat in my bed and cried. Not heaving sobs, no questioning the universe . . . just big, silent tears from nowhere. I felt everything and nothing. I did things that needed to happen. I got dressed, I ate, I nursed my baby, another baby growing in my belly, making me nauseous and numb. I couldn’t sleep, and as I lay there, night after night, I pictured every horrible thing happening to my children. Saw them in water and fire. Saw car accidents and plane crashes. And then I would curse myself, convinced that my imagination would be what manifested it into reality. Even though I knew it was hormonal and I knew it would pass, I felt absolutely lost."">

“什么不让我紧张?回想起来，我可能一直都有焦虑问题。记得七岁的时候，我担心自己的人生只是一场梦，担心自己一觉醒来会变成一个婴儿，然后不得不从头再来。八岁时，我担心每次我爱的人开车离开，那将是我最后一次见到他们。我总觉得我需要说一句真诚的、充满爱意的再见……只是以防万一。当我想到我最大的孩子就在几年后，这让我很难过。作为一个孩子，要承担的事情太多了。”

“在我生完我的第二个孩子isai之后，我几乎立刻又怀孕了。这太令人震惊了。所以我不知道是产后还是产前，但我处于一个深深的黑暗的地方。我难过极了。我只是坐在床上哭。没有剧烈的抽泣，没有对宇宙的质疑…只是无声的大眼泪不知从哪里冒出来。我感觉到了一切，又什么都没有。我做了该做的事。我穿好衣服，吃好东西，喂奶我的孩子，另一个孩子在我肚子里长大，让我恶心和麻木。 I couldn’t sleep, and as I lay there, night after night, I pictured every horrible thing happening to my children. Saw them in water and fire. Saw car accidents and plane crashes. And then I would curse myself, convinced that my imagination would be what manifested it into reality. Even though I knew it was hormonal and I knew it would pass, I felt absolutely lost."

"I got some bodywork done after I had my third son, Masi, and it was the first time I was able to quiet my mind a little bit. And the thing that kept coming to me was, 'you cannot worry them safe.' There is no prize for martyrdom, for being the best worrier. That hasn’t solved my anxiety issues, but I try and stop myself and literally say out loud, 'Surya, it’s ok. You’re ok. They are ok. You will be ok, no matter what.' Now, I can certainly talk myself out of that. So many ways I wouldn’t be ok. But usually in the moment that’s enough to move on to the next thing and get out of the cycle. I’m realizing now that the question was what makes me nervous, not scared. But these are obviously big, top of mind issues for me."">

“我熬过了大部分难关，但忧虑依然存在。从我的孩子被欺负，到我的孩子被欺负，到极地冰盖融化，到警察的暴行，到精神疾病，再到溺水和飞机失事，我什么都担心。我担心海洋、水和土壤中的塑料会被污染。我担心我丈夫会早死。我担心我的人生还没有充分发挥我的潜力就会过去。我担心这一切。然后我担心我错过了最好的东西，因为我担心剩下的东西。”

“在我有了第三个儿子Masi之后，我做了一些车身保养，这是我第一次能够让我的心灵平静下来。我一直在想，‘你不能让他们担心。’殉道者和最会操心的人是没有奖的。这并没有解决我的焦虑问题，但我试着阻止自己，大声说，‘Surya，没事的。你是好的。他们还好。不管发生什么，你都会没事的。”现在，我当然可以说服自己不那么做。我在很多方面都不太好。但通常在那一刻，这就足以转移到下一件事，走出循环。 I’m realizing now that the question was what makes me nervous, not scared. But these are obviously big, top of mind issues for me."

厨房里有一个安静的时刻，这里有一个带定制门的宜家橱柜系统。

"We never found out the sex in advance. When I was pregnant with Mikio, everyone told me he was a boy. People stopped me on the street to tell me. On his due date I went to Target and an older woman said, 'You know that's a boy right? I can tell because when you’re having a boy, you don’t care about what you look like.' Um, ok. Anyway, all that made me dig in my heels and want a girl just to spite them. When he was born, it was a few minutes before we even remembered to ask about the sex. Nick asked, and yep, another boy! But from that moment, he was just ours."

"I’d like to say that I had really strong feelings about the other two. But no. I just sort of assumed they would be boys, especially Masi. I couldn’t imagine having a girl, but three boys?! That seemed crazy, too. But here we are with three boys! Mostly I’m excited for brothers having brothers. I have a sister who I am absolutely obsessed with. It’s a magic that I know. Also, raising boys is an amazing opportunity. Raising boys who know how to have feelings, who can talk about what scares them and makes them sad. Raising boys who can be vulnerable and ask for help and express love in an unabashed way. Raising feminist boys. We need boys to dismantle the patriarchy. And that can be my boys. That’s exciting."">

“我来自一个女强人家庭。我有一个妹妹。我妈妈有一个妹妹。我奶奶来自一个有13个孩子的家庭，但她和她的两个姐妹关系最亲密，其中一个有两个女儿，然后她们又生了三个女儿。我们家的男孩真的很少。所以我无法想象有一个男孩会是什么样子。”

“我们从来没有事先知道孩子的性别。我怀Mikio的时候，所有人都说他是个男孩。人们在街上拦住我告诉我。在他的预产期那天，我去了塔吉特百货，一位年长的女士对我说，‘你知道这是个男孩吧?我能看出来，因为当你怀男孩的时候，你不会在乎自己的长相。”嗯,好吧。不管怎样，这一切都让我固执己见，想要一个女孩来激怒他们。他出生的时候，过了几分钟我们才想起问他的性别。尼克问，没错，又是一个男孩!但从那一刻起，他就属于我们了。”

“我想说的是，我对另外两个人的感情非常强烈。但是没有。我以为他们会是男孩，尤其是马西。我无法想象有个女孩，但是三个男孩? !这看起来也很疯狂。但我们现在有三个男孩!最让我兴奋的是兄弟有兄弟。我有个妹妹，我非常迷恋她。这是我所知道的魔法。而且，抚养男孩也是一个很好的机会。抚养知道如何有感情的男孩，他们能谈论让他们害怕和悲伤的事情。把男孩培养成脆弱的、寻求帮助的、毫不掩饰地表达爱的人。养育女权主义男孩。 We need boys to dismantle the patriarchy. And that can be my boys. That’s exciting."

Skarsgorn striped shirt, Black Crane pants and a Babaa sweater. Isao and Mikio wear Nico Nico shirts. Masi wears a See Sun top, Bobo Choses pants, and a homemade handkerchief.">

Surya穿着一件Skarsgorn条纹衬衫,黑色的起重机裤子和一个Babaa毛衣。Isao和Mikio穿着尼科尼科衬衫。Masi穿着一件看到太阳上面,波波的选择裤子，还有自制的手帕。

"We had planned to name a girl baby after my grandma, whose name is Harue. When we had a third boy, we named him Maraharu in her honor. We call him Mas or Masi. His middle name is Pre after my husband’s favorite runner, Steve Prefontaine."">

“我叫Surya。它是梵语中太阳的意思，实际上在印度、尼泊尔和印度尼西亚是一个非常常见的男性名字。但我的家人是日本人，所以我们把“r”卷舌成非印度音，听起来更像“d”。这有点让人困惑，我每天都会解释。话虽如此，像苏利亚这样的名字，我不想给我的孩子取名鲍勃——无意冒犯外面所有的鲍勃宝宝。我所有的孩子都有和我一样的中间名，Kishi。这是我妈妈的姓氏，对我来说把这个姓氏传给他们非常重要。Mikio Fredrick是以我爷爷的名字命名的，他的日本名字是Mikio，尼克的爸爸是Fred。Mikio的意思是“三棵树”。在伊佐出生之前，我们以为他可能是个女孩，但在我怀孕期间，伊佐这个名字一直萦绕在我脑海里。 I had heard it before and liked it, and then my husband has an amazing coworker and friend named Isao that really sealed the deal. His middle name is Jimmy after my grandma’s favorite brother, who died when he was in his early 20s. My mom was a baby at the time, and my grandma was so devastated that her milk dried up. That has always broken my heart, but now as a mom, I can’t imagine."

“我们本打算用我奶奶的名字给一个女孩取名Harue。当我们有了第三个男孩时，我们为他取名为Maraharu以纪念她。我们叫他马斯或马西。他的中间名是普雷，这是我丈夫最喜欢的跑步运动员史蒂夫·普雷方丹的名字。”

Edurne. I think it was the first time that someone, other than us, said, 'No pressure. You’re an artist. We are all artists. Create something if you want, or don’t.' They go to museums and just hang out with art. There aren’t complicated take-home projects. It’s about the process. Which is what art is about! She also genuinely loves them and kids can sense that. They know when someone is really on their team. And that security allows for so much beautiful growth."

"Isao is 2 and is the funny one. He’s charming and social. He loves animals. My husband takes him running to Golden Gate Park where they can see buffalo, which he asks for daily. He’s so obsessed that we made his second birthday buffalo themed. He refuses to sleep with soft toys and would rather clutch a small plastic pig or he also loves this traffic cone from a train set? Kids are weird."

"Masi is 10 months and into nursing and putting things that he finds on the kitchen floor into his mouth. I have made a hard push with all the kids to play with and love wooden toys, but so far his toy of choice is the nose drops bottle and end of the phone charging cord when it falls off the counter."">

“Mikio今年6岁，喜欢很多东西。他今年有一个“忍者滑板”生日，如果这能让你对他的兴趣有所了解的话。孩子们喜欢乐高积木，他也不例外，但他做的东西真的很有趣。能看到他的思维方式真是太酷了。他喜欢得到复杂的布景，然后用他自己的方式使用这些作品。我很喜欢!跳出思维定势。他还非常喜欢绘画和艺术。他对幼儿园的大部分课程都毫无兴趣，我很不好意思地说，这让我很失望。但后来他去了我们朋友开的艺术夏令营，Edurne．我认为这是第一次，除了我们之外，有人说，‘不要有压力。你是个艺术家。我们都是艺术家。想做就做，不想做就做。”他们去博物馆，和艺术一起闲逛。没有复杂的带回家的项目。重要的是过程。这就是艺术的意义所在!她也真心爱他们，孩子们能感觉到。 They know when someone is really on their team. And that security allows for so much beautiful growth."

“Isao今年2岁，是那个有趣的孩子。他很有魅力，也很合群。他喜欢动物。我丈夫带他去金门公园跑步，在那里他们可以看到水牛，这是他每天都要吃的。他太着迷了，我们把他的两岁生日做成了水牛主题。他拒绝和柔软的玩具一起睡觉，宁愿抓着一只小塑料猪，还是他也喜欢火车上的交通锥?孩子们都很奇怪。”

“Masi 10个月大了，开始吃奶了，他会把在厨房地板上找到的东西放进嘴里。我一直在努力让所有的孩子玩木制玩具，让他们喜欢木制玩具，但到目前为止，他最喜欢的玩具是滴鼻药水的瓶子，以及手机充电线从柜台上掉下来时的末端。”

“我做了!我是说，我从没想过会是什么样子。我只知道我会有孩子。它会非常轻松有趣，我会很擅长的。也许我应该花更多的时间想象它是简单的。”

"We had a homebirth and I loved it so much. I always say that whatever makes mama feel the most comfortable and empowered, that’s the 'right' way. For us, homebirth was absolutely the right choice. Mikio was huge, 9 pounds, 4 ounces. We have this amazing picture of our midwife, Jaime, weighing him and my mom’s face is totally in shocked awe."">

“我们花了一年时间才怀上Mikio。我想主要是因为我们不知道自己在做什么。我们都知道是怎么回事，但我一直在追踪我手机上的某个应用。当我试着测量体温并绘制图表时，它很快就发生了。我怀孕的过程很顺利，除了我身高5英尺2英寸，而且每个人每天都问我是不是怀了双胞胎，所以我不得不真的忍住自己粗鲁的复出冲动。我以前在英巴卡德罗(Embarcadero)上散步的时候，经常碰到一个人，他会说，‘双胞胎?’我会说，‘不。今天也不行。”所以有一天，他说‘三胞胎?’从那以后，我改变了我的路线。”

“我们在家里生了孩子，我非常喜欢。我总是说，只要能让妈妈感到最舒服、最强大，那就是“正确”的方式。对我们来说，在家生产绝对是正确的选择。Mikio很大，9磅4盎司。我们有这张很棒的照片，我们的助产士Jaime正在称他的体重，我妈妈的脸上充满了震惊和敬畏。”

“伊佐也花了一年的时间才怀孕。我们一直在搬家和装修，我想我们开始尝试，然后停止了，因为工作让我抓狂。这次怀孕有点困难，因为我大了三岁，还患有妊娠糖尿病。我可以通过饮食和锻炼来控制它——更多的健步走!——针灸。但这很烦人。在我们的新房子里出生，真是太棒了!我们去医院做压力测试的那天早上我宫缩了。一切看起来都很完美，他们问我是否想再约一次，但我说我很确定那天我就生了这个孩子，我就生了!分娩比第一次容易多了。事实上，我还在抱怨在分娩的时候很无聊。 So I got out to try and speed things up and whoa. My water broke it was fast and terrible from there. He was even bigger than Mikio at 9 pounds, 9 ounces!"

"I had gestational diabetes again and it was rougher this time. It was harder to control and I actually got a prescription for insulin. We were going on a 'We might never be able to travel again with three kids' trip to Italy, and I was worried about trying to figure out blood sugar control options overseas. But the first morning of the trip, I woke up and my numbers were the lowest they had ever been. It was so stress related. I never had to use the insulin, luckily."

">

“马西是一个巨大的惊喜。我上了一节课，然后第二节课又迟到了。我还以为是荷尔蒙的问题。我一直在谷歌上搜索，很多人说，“是的，我以为这只是第二次月经，但后来我怀孕了。”当然，这不是我。所以我做了个测试来排除这种可能性。我还没来得及把它放在柜台上就已经呈阳性了。我完全震惊了。尼克送Mikio去上学，所以我一个人在家。其实不是，我六个月大的孩子就在隔壁睡觉。 I texted my midwife and friend Jaime, 'FUCK' with a picture of the test. Nick tells the story of how he was wracking his brain for what he could have done that I needed him to rush home to talk. Pregnancy didn’t make the list."

“我又患上了妊娠糖尿病，这一次更加艰难。这很难控制，我实际上得到了胰岛素的处方。当时我们正在进行一次“我们可能再也不能带着三个孩子去意大利旅行了”的旅行，我很担心在海外找到控制血糖的方法。但是旅行的第一天早上，我醒来时发现我的体重降到了有史以来的最低水平。这与压力有关。幸运的是，我从来不用注射胰岛素。”

"The day he was born, we went to the beach and I dipped my toes in the cold ocean and I tried to just shut up about it. It was clear I wasn’t manifesting anything. Baby was coming when baby was coming. We had pizza—I only ate the toppings because, gestational diabetes—and walked home and I had contractions the whole time. He was born eight hours later. In a lot of ways, it was my hardest birth. I wasn’t a first timer, who didn’t know what it would be like. And I had JUST had another baby. There was no time to forget how hard it would be. I never was able to just let go and let it be."">

“他的出生很有趣。我真的在努力控制它。我想，因为我还沉浸在即将要生三个孩子的震惊之中，而最后两个孩子将相隔十五个月，也许生活欠我一个人情，让我得到我想要的孩子。我想让他早点到。前两次分别晚了十天和一周。我很害怕他会变得更大。所以我告诉所有愿意听的人我要生至日宝宝了。那天是满月。这个故事很完美。那么这个宝贝就不会在圣诞节出生，他或她就会成为聚会时间的射手座。 The holidays came and went with nary a peep. I had contractions here and there, one night for three hours. But I took a shower and they stopped. I tried everything, even castor oil. NOTHING. Life consistently sits me right on my ass and says, 'You’ll get what you get, when the time is right.'"

“他出生的那天，我们去了海滩，我把脚趾伸进冰冷的大海里，我试图闭嘴。很明显我什么都没表现出来。婴儿出生时，婴儿就要出生了。我们吃了披萨——我只吃了上面的配料，因为我患有妊娠糖尿病——然后走回家，我一直在宫缩。8小时后，他出生了。从很多方面来说，这是我最艰难的出生。我不是第一次来，不知道会是什么样子。我刚刚又有了一个孩子。没有时间去忘记这有多难。我从来都不能放手，让它顺其自然。”

"You’d think I’d have learned from that experience and done it differently this time around. But no. I should have just shut the store down for a few months. Just put an out-of-office reply on and hunkered down with my baby. But I didn’t. And the email and order anxiety happened again and again. SIGH. At ten months postpartum I’m finally getting out of the fog, but I’m seeing that there are just parts of my job that I really struggling with. No solves yet, but my husband now checks the email for me so that has helped a lot. Baby steps?"">

“没有。在Mikio出生后，我辞掉了公司设计的工作，在Mikio刚满一岁时创立了自己的公司Tosan。在伊索和马西之后，我请假的工作做得很糟糕。产后焦虑吞噬了我。我没法让自己打包订单。我什么都做不了。我陷入了一个可怕的循环，我害怕查看我的工作电子邮件，所以我没有查看它，这让我更加确信有成千上万的电子邮件告诉我我是多么失败，每个人都对我感到多么失望。我失眠了，我会躺在床上，滚烫的眼泪顺着脸颊滚落，一遍又一遍地对自己说，‘你真是个垃圾。你经营着这家公司，却搞砸了每件事，每个人都恨你。”最后，我在一家咖啡馆里坐了几个小时，又哭了起来，但至少我可以面对一堵墙，我回复了电子邮件。 It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I posted about my struggles on Tosan's Instagram feed and people were SO supportive."

“你可能会认为，我会从那次经历中吸取教训，这次会采取不同的做法。但是没有。我应该把店关几个月的。我只是发了个不在办公室的回复，然后和我的宝贝窝在一起。但我没有。邮件和订单焦虑一次又一次地发生。叹息。在产后十个月的时候，我终于走出了阴霾，但我发现我的工作中有一些地方真的让我很纠结。目前还没有解决方案，但我丈夫现在帮我检查电子邮件，所以这有很大帮助。小步?”

Rudy Jude dress.">

Surya穿着一件鲁迪·裘德礼服。

Janet Lansbury. The things she says make so much sense. But I find in practice...do I just have harder kids??? I mean, I don’t. Right? Anyway, most parenting books I feel similarly about. I think they have great ideas and I try to incorporate the things that work for our family and I screw up minimally 50% of the time. The most helpful thing for me has been just talking to other moms. The solidarity of hearing that other families are struggling with the same things is a great reset for me."">

“我真的很想去爱珍妮特·兰斯伯里．她说的话很有道理。但我发现在实践中……做I just have harder kids??? I mean, I don’t. Right? Anyway, most parenting books I feel similarly about. I think they have great ideas and I try to incorporate the things that work for our family and I screw up minimally 50% of the time. The most helpful thing for me has been just talking to other moms. The solidarity of hearing that other families are struggling with the same things is a great reset for me."

"For me, that’s a lot of parenthood. Just be there. Be present. Grand gestures are great but in the end, you just need someone to drive you to piano lessons for the 97th week in a row, to remind you about your water bottle that you always forget at school, to remember that you like green olives better than black."">

”很多。说实话，在我所认识的母亲中，很少有我不以某种方式尊敬的。这是一项艰苦的工作。每次我和其他妈妈在一起时，我都敬畏地看着她们度过每一天。我自己的母亲是母性荣耀的灯塔。她出现了，与众不同。当我怀Mikio的时候，我妈妈读到一篇文章，说其他文化中的女性产后支持要多得多。在许多地方，有30到40天的时间，新妈妈们被照顾、培养，并被允许与母亲和婴儿联系在一起，没有外界的压力和期望。在美国，我们是如何让母亲们失望的——许多女性甚至连两周的产假都没有，更不用说四周的照顾了。我妈妈读了那篇文章，提出在孩子出生后和我们住40天。 It’s one of the most amazing gifts she could have ever given me."

“对我来说，这意味着很多为人父母的经历。就在那里。是礼物。伟大的表现是很棒，但最终，你只需要有人连续第97周开车送你去上钢琴课，提醒你在学校总是忘记带水瓶，提醒你喜欢绿橄榄胜过黑橄榄。”

"One of the most formative things about my childhood was that I grew up across the street from my grandparents. My parents got divorced when I was seven? Eight? My stepdad came into the picture shortly after, but he lived in the Bay Area until my parents retired, so I consider myself growing up with a single mom. She was doing the lion’s share of it all on her own, along with my grandparents. As a result, we spent a lot of time with them. I have so many memories of eating bologna sandwiches and alphabet soup in their cool, green-linoleum-floored house. We played outside all day. My sister is three years younger, so while she probably grew up faster having an older sister, I grew up slower. We were still playing fairies and make believe far past my peers, I’m sure. I remember we saved our allowance for months and months to pool it and buy an American Girl doll. I think I was twelve by the time we saved enough. Needless to say, I didn’t get much play out of it."">

“我在加州中央山谷尘土飞扬的田野里长大。我祖父和他的兄弟有一个农场，种桃子、杏仁和红薯。我妈妈在我父母离婚后拿到了教师学位。我们的小镇很小，我有点与众不同。并不是说我觉得自己是被评判的，也不是说我是个完全的局外人，我只是与众不同。我的大多数朋友都是墨西哥裔美国人或印度裔美国人，而我是日本人和白人的混血。他们都是天主教徒或锡克教徒，他们的父母通常比我的嬉皮士妈妈小十岁，她带我们去看大师，做一些“奇怪”的事情，比如冥想。我参加了无数的quinceañeras和婚礼，我觉得自己是唯一一个不去领圣餐的人。”

“对我童年影响最大的一件事是，我在祖父母家的街对面长大。我七岁的时候父母就离婚了?八?不久之后，我的继父也出现了，但他一直住在湾区，直到我父母退休，所以我认为自己是在单亲妈妈的陪伴下长大的。她一个人做了大部分的事情，还有我的祖父母。因此，我们花了很多时间和他们在一起。在他们凉爽的铺着绿色油毡的房子里吃博洛尼亚三明治和字母汤的记忆太多了。我们在外面玩了一整天。我妹妹比我小三岁，所以有个姐姐她可能成长得更快，而我成长得更慢。我敢肯定，我们还在玩仙女游戏，比我的同龄人要相信得多。 I remember we saved our allowance for months and months to pool it and buy an American Girl doll. I think I was twelve by the time we saved enough. Needless to say, I didn’t get much play out of it."

"The other part of parenting for me is letting go. I am naturally a bit neurotic and get fixated on things. I’m super conscientious about what my kids eat because I can see a clear connection between the food they eat and how they are able to function. That being said, I won’t be the person who doesn’t let them eat a cupcake at a birthday party. It’s just not worth it. What I can do is make their birthday cakes. I can choose how to nourish them under my roof. And then I need to let go a little because it will make me crazy. I can want them to play with the magical wooden tree house toy in the playroom but also know that they are going to fill it with Ninjago Lego people. There needs to be space for both."">

“飞行。真正的。我大部分时间都不知道自己在做什么。我尽量保持尊重。我和我的孩子们聊天。我不会对他们隐瞒任何事情。我是诚实的。当我搞砸的时候，我道歉，这是很多次了。但我觉得这里面有很大的力量。作为人是可以的。 You will screw up. I will screw up. I might yell at you even though that’s not helpful at all. You will tell me you hate me. But we can heal together. I just hope that my kids get that. That I will show up for them. And do the work. That we are constantly learning and growing but that we are a team. And that tomorrow is a new day and they are so loved that it makes my face hurt."

“对我来说，为人父母的另一部分是放手。我天生有点神经质，对事情很执着。我对我的孩子吃什么非常认真，因为我能看到他们吃的食物和他们的功能之间有明确的联系。话虽如此，我不会在生日派对上不让他们吃纸杯蛋糕。这不值得。我能做的就是给他们做生日蛋糕。我可以选择如何在我的屋檐下养育他们。然后我需要放手一点，因为它会让我发疯。我可以让他们在游戏室里玩神奇的木制树屋玩具，但也知道他们将在游戏室里装满《忍者乐高》中的人。两者都需要空间。”

"My grandparents and huge extended family were all sent to relocation camps during WWII. Their parents immigrated here from Japan in the early 1900s. My grandpa spent his 17th birthday in a horse stall at the local fairground where the horse shit had been whitewashed over to make it 'livable.' They, along with their families, were put on trains with covered windows—so they couldn’t see where they were being taken—and shipped to the desert in Colorado. Two generations of an entire ethnic population, changed forever. Not to mention how that trickles into today and beyond. All in the name of a completely baseless questioning of loyalty of a group of people based on their ancestry alone. They came here for a better life and were deemed dangerous with zero evidence. Not a single case of treason was ever found."">

“是也不是。我在政治上一直很活跃，所以这一点没有改变。我和一个嬉皮的妈妈一起长大，她也是日本人，她带我参加抗议活动，对美国的种族主义和性别歧视非常坦率。家人鼓励我们多问问题，多发表意见。这些年来，我一直努力保持活跃，保持消息灵通，但目前的政治气候已经清楚地表明，我们还有很长的路要走。不过，说实话，它一直都在那里。现在有更多的人看到了。这个国家是建立在奴隶和土著人民的基础上的。这不仅仅是“随着时间的推移而变得更好”。这需要认可和认真的工作。”

“二战期间，我的祖父母和一大家子人都被送到了重新安置营。他们的父母在20世纪初从日本移民到美国。我爷爷的17岁生日是在当地露天市场的一个马棚里度过的，那里的马屎被刷成白色，以使它“适合居住”。他们和他们的家人一起被送上了窗户被遮盖的火车——这样他们就看不到他们被带到哪里——然后被运往科罗拉多州的沙漠。整个民族的两代人，永远地改变了。更不用说它是如何影响到今天和将来的。这一切都是在毫无根据地质疑一群人的忠诚，仅仅基于他们的祖先。他们来这里是为了更好的生活，却被认为是危险的，没有任何证据。没有发现一例叛国罪。”

"We talk a lot about privilege in our family. And justice. And inclusion. Because kindness is absolutely necessary and beautiful. But there were many kind people who did nothing while this atrocity happened. That happened then, it’s happening now. So kindness is a start but without conversations about justice and equity, about racism and classism and xenophobia and gender bias and abelism and homophobia and transphobia—it’s an incomplete conversation. Yes, be nice to the people around you. Speak kind words. But also, SPEAK UP. Learn to recognize microagressions and practice how to deal with them. Don’t be a bystander. Words matter. As a woman of color, raising white-presenting boys in America, I feel a real responsibility to teach them to acknowledge and use their privilege. So part of teaching kindness is saying, 'Your path is starting with so many less roadblocks than so many other people. What can we do to all move forward together?'"">

“作为一个成年人，作为一个母亲，我经常想起我的曾祖父母。我能想象把家人装进你能背的袋子里的创伤和耻辱。在一片尘土飞扬的荒地上，无法给孩子们我们都在努力争取的唯一东西，那该是多么绝望啊……感觉安全。我爷爷从营地自愿参军。虽然他的国家到处都是“日本人禁止入内”的标志，但他和许多其他日裔美国人自愿保卫它。这让我很吃惊。”

“我们经常谈论家里的特权。和正义。和包容。因为善良是绝对必要和美丽的。但有许多善良的人在这场暴行发生时袖手旁观。那时候发生过，现在也在发生。因此，善良是一个开始，但如果没有关于正义和公平、种族主义、阶级主义、仇外心理、性别偏见、阿贝尔主义、同性恋恐惧症和变性恐惧症的对话——这是一个不完整的对话。是的，善待你周围的人。说些友善的话。但是，也要大声说出来。 Learn to recognize microagressions and practice how to deal with them. Don’t be a bystander. Words matter. As a woman of color, raising white-presenting boys in America, I feel a real responsibility to teach them to acknowledge and use their privilege. So part of teaching kindness is saying, 'Your path is starting with so many less roadblocks than so many other people. What can we do to all move forward together?'"

"Beyond that, though, I always offer the practical suggestion of getting your birth and postpartum team sorted before baby comes. Have a doula. Find out if your hospital or birthing center has a lactation consultant, and if not, I strongly suggest you find one on your own. Hopefully it will all go smoothly and easily but if it doesn’t, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT and you have a team of people who can help when you’re in your most vulnerable state. And look up some mom groups before baby comes. Those early days can be so lonely and other moms are the best."">

“实际上，我尽量不给准妈妈建议。我发现很多事情都是你必须经历的，你必须找到自己的路。我的困难不是你的困难，反之亦然。我当然不会说，‘时间过得太快了，好好享受每一秒。“因为我已经死在这场该死的风暴中了，虽然它确实很快，我想，当你正在经历你所做过的最艰难的事情时，听到这些话是非常没有帮助的。我通常会说，‘我在这里。我明天给你发短信。你不需要回信。我会把吃的放在你门口。等你准备好了，我就来拜访你几分钟。’”

除此之外，我总是会提出一些实用的建议，在孩子出生前就把分娩和产后团队整理好。找个导乐师。看看你的医院或分娩中心是否有哺乳顾问，如果没有，我强烈建议你自己找一个。希望这一切都能顺利、轻松地进行，但如果不是这样，那也不是你的错，你有一个团队可以在你最脆弱的时候帮助你。在孩子出生前查一些妈妈团体。最初的日子可能会很孤独，而其他妈妈是最好的。”

"We see these families that have it all figured out. A mother in a bikini, two weeks postpartum. Her other kids hanging calmly on a set of towels that you saw last week on an IG ad and are $250. Everything is in a color palette, all with the same filter. No one is crying or yelling or pooping. Her shirt is not milk-stained. She has beach waves and the kids are wearing white. HOW??????"">

“嘘!社交媒体。很奇怪，对吧?我喜欢它，因为它让我有机会接触到我以前永远不会遇到的人和地方。这让我和女性建立了联系，她们在现实生活中成为了朋友。这样做的缺点是，通过巧妙组合的网格来描绘生活的真实图景是不可能的。这让人感觉很糟。尤其是妈妈。”

“我们看到这些家庭把一切都搞清楚了。一位穿着比基尼的母亲，产后两周。她的其他孩子平静地挂在一套毛巾上，你上周在IG广告上看到过，售价250美元。所有东西都在调色板中，都使用相同的滤镜。没人哭，没人喊，没人拉屎。她的衬衫没有被牛奶弄脏。她有沙滩的波浪，孩子们穿着白色的衣服。如何? ?”

"Every time I post something that is actually real, people are like, 'YES THANK YOU.' Because guess what, you acknowledging that life can be really tough, that sometimes you don’t like your kids even though you love them, that part of motherhood is fighting through the mundane—that doesn’t make you less of a mother. That doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job. It means you’re human. Everyone feels like that at some point. The social media version of motherhood is unattainable. Because even the people who look like they have it all together, still struggle. It’s hard to convey that in a grid, the messiness of love and life. We just have to remember that somewhere there is someone looking at you, the way you are looking at this other person. They think you have it figured out. Your messy hair looks easier to comb. They can see the beauty in your postpartum belly where you cannot. They see you thriving, while you flail. If only we could give ourselves the grace we grant to others—to our children, to our friends, to complete strangers. I’m definitely actively trying to work towards that."">

“我在很多方面都是有罪的。首先，我是一个视觉型的人。我是一名设计师，尽管写出来感觉很奇怪。我希望一切都是美好的。所以，是的，我给我的孩子和漂亮的东西拍照。我过滤了它们，奇怪的是，我确实考虑了我的网格是什么样的。我也会陷入这样的陷阱，把别人在社交媒体上的表现看作是他们真实生活的真实反映，但我知道这对我自己来说是多么不真实。但我也很坦诚，这有多难。尽管有这么多让它如此美丽和充实的事情，我在这里告诉你，我的生活是疯狂的。我的孩子们总是吵架。 They are either deeply in love or I can’t get them to stop hitting each other. My oldest has said he hates me so many times that the two-year-old has picked it up. My baby won’t take a bottle and wakes up every three hours at night. I’ve become a meme of a mother. I eat scraps and get up fifteen times during dinner because I can’t seem to set a table with napkins, utensils, and drinks. I am so patient until I’m not and then I’m a total jerk. I’ve yelled at my kids way too many times. Am I proud of these things? NO. Am I alone? NO."

“每次我发布一些真实的东西，人们都会说，‘是的，谢谢。因为你知道吗，你承认生活可能真的很艰难，有时你不喜欢你的孩子，即使你爱他们，母亲的一部分是与世俗作斗争——这并不会让你不是个母亲。这并不意味着你做得不好。这意味着你是人。每个人都有这样的感觉。社交媒体版的母性是无法实现的。因为即使是那些看起来很完美的人，也仍然在奋斗。很难用网格来表达，爱情和生活的混乱。我们只需要记住，在某个地方，有人在看着你，就像你看着另一个人一样。他们认为你已经知道了。 Your messy hair looks easier to comb. They can see the beauty in your postpartum belly where you cannot. They see you thriving, while you flail. If only we could give ourselves the grace we grant to others—to our children, to our friends, to complete strangers. I’m definitely actively trying to work towards that."

你怎么知道妈妈是设计师呢?当她的宝宝和瓷砖匹配时。

“哈!身体上，情感上，逻辑上，经济上，精神上，我不能再要孩子了。话虽如此，荷尔蒙是很强大的东西。我还是会一边看分娩视频一边哭，因为分娩是如此美丽。或者为我的肚子再也肿不起来而悲伤，那种小外星人向你伸出角来的感觉。我一直想领养孩子，所以也许吧!但我认为，从生理上讲，我需要停止生孩子。”

妈妈和她最小的孩子。

“我有一家叫Tosan的公司。在我有了儿子之后，我意识到没有人能满足爸爸们的需求。我有一个很酷的丈夫，他完全参与其中，但市场上的每一种产品都是针对妈妈们的。Tosan在日语中是爸爸的意思，这是对我的传统的致敬。”

“Tosan是男装和亲子装、镶边牛仔和老爸牛仔裤、复古卡车和汽车座椅、半程马拉松和慢跑婴儿车的交汇点。我们相信父爱的内在和不可否认的魅力。我们认为你在有孩子之前很酷，但你现在更酷了。儿子和女儿在最深的层次上改变着我们——但这种转变并不一定意味着你对使用带有小鸭子图案的装备感到超级兴奋。我们明白了。我们为世界各地的爸爸们提供精心设计的美国制造产品。你正忙着教一个小人类如何生活，让我们帮你弄清楚你在这条路上需要什么。”

由Mikio制作的万圣节工艺品，被妈妈变成了艺术品。

"But I’m still so inspired by the concept. I still believe in the brand so strongly. I owe it to myself and my vision to give an all-in push at some point. What that looks like continues to evolve. What I do know is I don’t want to do it by myself. I want to work with other creatives, other dreamers, other visionaries, other moms. That’s exciting to think about."">

“这是一家只有我一个人的公司，所以完成工作和发展绝对是一项挑战。今年是我们品牌成立五周年，它能存活下来真是太不可思议了。做母亲和做小生意是奇怪的伙伴。它们看起来真的很有用。但实际上，它是如此复杂。能够随时工作的“灵活性”意味着你一直都在工作。这是孤独的。作为一个有创造力的人，我很难独自工作。我需要合作!我需要意见! I need snack breaks with other humans! I worked for so many years in a big company, on a big team. Now I’m answering emails using 'we' at 11 p.m. and it makes me question everything."

“但我仍然被这个概念所鼓舞。我仍然非常相信这个品牌。为了我自己和我的远见，我应该在某个时刻全力以赴。它的样子还在继续演变。我只知道我不想一个人做这件事。我想和其他创意人员，其他梦想家，其他梦想家，其他妈妈．想想就很兴奋。”

"I then worked three jobs at a time for a couple of years, just trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I would spend my lunch breaks cold calling anyone I could find who had a cool sounding job. And I HATE calling like that. I hate the phone in general! But I was desperate to find my way. So, I called museum display designers and fashion show producers and model makers and t-shirt printers. I worked for a lighting designer and had an internship at a clothing company. And waited tables to make ends meet. I finally interviewed with a woman for an assistant position for her color forecasting company and she connected me with some freelance work at The North Face. At that point, I had zero apparel experience, but I could use Illustrator so I got the job. Eventually that led me to Old Navy, where I was for almost ten years in men’s apparel design."

"There was a lot of fake it til you make it with my career. So much of figuring things out on the fly and just working my ass off to keep up and succeed. Things don’t just come naturally to me. I’m not super talented or have amazing connections. This is not self detrimental, but a gift in itself. I know that I am willing to work harder than a lot of people. It makes me glad that everything doesn’t just happen for me. I know I’ve earned it."">

“我在加州的中央谷地长大。我去了加州大学戴维斯分校，主修设计。室内建筑是我的重点。我想我想成为一名建筑师，但后来我在大学时在一家公司工作，意识到我对持续数年的项目的注意力太短了。我毕业于2002年，当时正值第二次互联网泡沫破灭。我投了几百份简历，却一无所获。我终于只需要一份工作，就在一个课外项目找了份工作。我负责艺术课程和孩子们的争吵。当时我想我想成为一名高中木工教师，兼职做家具。太有趣了! But I knew I didn’t want to do it forever."

“然后我在几年里同时做三份工作，只是想弄清楚我想做什么。我会利用午休时间打电话给任何我能找到的工作听起来很酷的人。我讨厌那样打电话。总的来说，我讨厌手机!但我不顾一切地想找到我的路。所以，我打电话给博物馆展示设计师、时装秀制作人、模型师和t恤打印机。我做过灯光设计师，还在一家服装公司实习过。做服务员来维持生计。最后，我和一位女士面试了她的色彩预测公司的助理职位，她给我介绍了一些在The North Face的自由职业。那时，我没有任何服装经验，但我会用Illustrator，所以我得到了这份工作。 Eventually that led me to Old Navy, where I was for almost ten years in men’s apparel design."

“在我的事业成功之前，有很多虚假的东西。这么多的事情都是在匆忙中弄清楚的，我只是拼命工作来跟上进度并取得成功。事情对我来说不是自然而然的。我不是超级天才，也没有惊人的人脉。这本身并不是有害的，而是一种礼物。我知道我愿意比很多人更努力。这让我很高兴，一切都不是为了我而发生的。我知道这是我应得的。”

娱乐室，还有家庭休息室。

“完全!我想如果我没有孩子，我可能还在一家大公司做设计。一个人生活很艰难，但我现在也无法想象回去。另外，我的公司确实是受到了我儿子的启发。”

“我们所做的!我丈夫开玩笑说，成人和孩子的比例要达到3:1才会让人觉得轻松，但我们再也不会这样做了。我妈妈和继父每周三来一次，这是最好的礼物。我们刚开始请保姆每周帮忙几个小时，这已经改变了我们的生活。我们承受不了更多的时间，但这小小的精神空间已经很大了。”

“在很多方面，我认为我不是问这个问题的人。我在挣扎。困难的。但我想说，我对自己说的比任何人都多，对自己和自己的期望要温和。你没有办法“包办一切”。寻求帮助，接受帮助。依靠你的社区。让自己明白这只是一个时间点。你会有很多年不处于最忙碌的时候，你会有更多的时间和精力去做你觉得自己缺少的事情。”

"What’s most helpful to me is just to talk to someone about it. I create so many narratives in my mind as I spin. When I’m forced to verbalize them, I'm clearer on what feelings are worth digging into. Either way, I know that I want my kids to watch me figure this out as they grow up. I want them to see me struggling and thriving and stretching and growing, so it’s important to not put aside my dreams and aspirations."">

“是啊!这很难，因为有些是自我强加的，有些是社会强加的。我怀孕的时候，我问大儿子，他会对他即将出生的弟弟说什么，他说，‘妈妈有Tosan，有时候她太忙了，没时间陪你玩。’我很震惊。尼克是全职工作，我从来没能改变这一点，但这就是我孩子的看法。有另一个实体吸引了我的注意力。我挣扎着感觉自己在这两件事上都做得不好。并为此感到内疚。当我的焦虑表现出来时，我可以自制万圣节服装，但却无法查看电子邮件，这让我感到困惑。”

“对我最有帮助的就是和别人谈谈。当我旋转的时候，我在脑海里创造了很多故事。当我被迫用语言表达时，我更清楚什么感觉值得深入研究。不管怎样，我知道我想让我的孩子在他们长大的过程中看着我明白这一点。我想让他们看到我在奋斗、茁壮成长、伸展和成长，所以不要放弃我的梦想和抱负很重要。”

Molly was just starting her landscape design business and took us on as early clients. I sort of thought she was going to just come have wine and chat about plants but she brought this incredible vision. I honestly can’t take much credit for design at all except that we had extensive conversations about the overall feeling—warm and lived in, like it had been there for years. The house is so clean and modern looking from the outside in the back. The garden needed to be soft and weathered. We also really wanted a place for the kids to play and create. We both grew up in rural areas and it was important that our kids have some semblance of having nature they could go and be in without us."">

“啊!后院真是太神奇了。我们选择这所房子的部分原因是它的院子很大，但我们没钱也没时间了，所以有两年的时间里面杂草丛生。地面上还残留着一些建筑垃圾，所以让孩子们自己出去不安全。我们的朋友莫莉她刚开始她的景观设计业务，并把我们作为早期客户。我以为她只是来喝点酒，聊聊植物，但她带来了令人难以置信的愿景。老实说，我对设计没有太多的功劳，除了我们对整体感觉进行了广泛的讨论——温暖和居住，就像它已经存在了很多年一样。从后面看，房子很干净，很现代。花园需要柔软和风化。我们也很想为孩子们提供一个玩耍和创作的地方。我们都是在农村长大的，让我们的孩子拥有一些亲近大自然的感觉很重要，他们可以在没有我们的情况下自由自在地生活。”

Ilana Kohn jumpsuit. Masi wears a Patagonia jacket and Boho Choses pants.">

Surya穿着一件Ilana科恩连身裤。Masi穿着一件巴塔哥尼亚夹克和那种波西米亚风格的东西裤子。

"We are in a bit of a bubble out here by the beach. It’s quiet. We know our neighbors. We are two blocks from Golden Gate Park and four blocks from the ocean. It’s pretty dreamy. An amazing added bonus is that we have a lot of friends who live in the neighborhood. We have to drive to Mikio’s school every day, but besides that we don’t really drive at all. I love, love, love that we can walk or ride bikes to so many amazing spots. In a single morning, we can be at the beach, ride to get spam musubi, walk to the skatepark, grab a coffee, and then stop at the grocery store on the way home." ">

“我喜欢他们在成长过程中接触到这么多东西。不管他们对什么感兴趣，我们都能想办法培养他们。艺术、音乐、美食、自然——都在这里!在我们身边长大的朋友都有很酷的、不同的职业——教师、画家、木工、设计师、医生、接生人员，这也是一件很棒的事情。重要的是，他们要看到，作为一个成年人，有很多很棒的事情可以做，他们所尊敬的许多成年人并不一定走传统的上大学、坐办公室工作的道路，而他们中的一些人走了，而且他们都很成功。”

“我们在海滩上有点像泡沫。它是安静的。我们了解我们的邻居。我们离金门公园有两个街区，离大海有四个街区。这很梦幻。一个惊人的额外好处是，我们有很多朋友住在附近。我们每天都要开车去Mikio的学校，但除此之外，我们根本不开车。我喜欢，喜欢，喜欢我们可以步行或骑自行车去这么多神奇的地方。在一个早上，我们可以去海滩，骑车去买午餐肉，步行去滑板场，喝杯咖啡，然后在回家的路上去杂货店。”

Trouble for a girlfriend tea and a cinnamon toast. Andytown has the only decaf worth drinking and the best chocolate chip cookies. Avenues' Spam musubi. Enough said.  People swear by the breakfast sando at Devil’s Teeth, but Mikio is more into the cookies that are as big as his face. Other Avenues is legit the best grocery store. Woods has a great wine and beer selection, and a fire pit outside. Outerlands is not a secret at all, but still SO GOOD. Buy the bread to-go on your way out. Make french toast with it the next day. Hook Fish has been the dreamiest addition to our neighborhood. They serve the freshest fish, which we get in their burritos, but also get to take home to cook as well. Woodshop is made up of the nicest group of guys, making the best looking stuff. Winning combo. Blackbird Books has a perfectly curated kids book section, story time on Saturdays, and an outdoor train set in the back. General Store and Case for Making are the best spots to grab a small, thoughtful gift. And we play all day at Blue Boat Park, Playland at 43rd, the beach, and Golden Gate Park."">

“这些天我们已经远离了酷的场景。就像，出路。但我们知道我们的地盘，因为我们从未离开过。有很多好东西!麻烦给女朋友的茶和肉桂吐司。Andytown有唯一值得喝的脱因咖啡和最好的巧克力饼干。途径的垃圾邮件musubi。足够的说。人们都很喜欢三明治早餐魔鬼的牙齿但Mikio更喜欢像他脸一样大的饼干。其他途径是最好的杂货店。森林有很好的葡萄酒和啤酒选择，外面还有一个火坑。Outerlands这不是什么秘密，但仍然很好。你出去的时候买些面包带走。第二天用它做法式吐司。钩鱼一直是我们社区最梦幻的新成员。他们供应最新鲜的鱼，我们可以在他们的玉米煎饼里吃到，但也可以带回家做。Woodshop是由一群最好的人组成的，制作最好看的东西。获胜的组合。黑鸟的书有一个精心策划的儿童读物区，周六有故事时间，后面还有一列户外火车。百货商店而且理由都是挑选贴心小礼物的最佳地点。我们在蓝船公园玩了一整天，43街游乐场还有海滩和金门公园。”

“sf是一种折磨。很多人都释怀了。这很昂贵，士绅化是真实的，感觉社会经济和种族多样性处于历史最低水平。街上有粪便，你的车可能会被撬开。我明白了。但也有太多太多的爱。那些需要改进的事情，我正努力在我们的社区中积极对抗。我忘不了你，旧金山。这段时间你得跟着我了。”

“实用、舒适、有意为之。我整天都在到处跑。我还在照顾两个孩子。我没穿白丝绸。很多层次，因为这里是旧金山，我们住在海滩边。但我尽量不买那些小的、符合道德标准的品牌。我的衣柜其实很有限。我大概穿十件衣服。我一直在改进，所以即使我大部分时间都穿同样的衣服，它们都让我感觉是在一起的。我继续尝试少买那些我知道会更耐用的东西。 I had a professor in college who wore an oversized striped button-down shirt, Hunter boots, and red lipstick every day. She always looked the same and always looked amazing. I’m aiming for that."

“Yes-ish ?我觉得我现在穿得更酷了。我以前在时尚界工作过，所以我买了很多时髦的衣服，但都是便宜的快时尚品牌。做妈妈让我精简了一切，包括我的衣柜。我更会考虑买一些可以永远用下去的东西。我以前也穿高跟鞋??也许再也不会了。”

Pansy Co. and I love them so much. They run small, so I wear the XXL but they are so comfortable. Bras for big boobs are notoriously gross and matronly. I have a few pairs of pants, all the elastic waists. More comfortable, but they all have interesting shapes on their own. My current favorites are Black Crane, Poem, and Ijji. I tried on jeans the other day and it was so depressing. My poor body has been through the wringer. But I’m on the hunt for a good high-rise option with some stretch. I want to wear things like Kamm pants but they just don’t work for my body type."

"Then you need some good tees. My forever favorites are Skargorn because they are so thick. But I also have some Old Navy ones that are legit ten years old at this point and the perfect soft and thinness. I’ll be bummed when they die. I have a few jumpsuits, most of them Ilana Kohn, but I have some maternity ones from Storq that I will wear forever, pregnant or not, because they are so comfortable. And the Sunset jumper from Neve + Hawk! Of course, you need some layers. I have a Black Crane overshirt, an Ilana Kohn denim chore coat, and an Old Navy denim shirt that I just rotate. Oh and I have two Babaa sweaters. That’s really it."

"For shoes I have three pairs of Birkenstocks. It’s gotten so bad that when I dress up, I’m like, 'I can wear Birks with this, right?' Spoiler alert, I shouldn’t. I also buy nothing full price. Ever. Most of my stuff is from noihsaf.bazaar from IG, which if you haven’t heard of, you’re welcome. Midrange priced, used pieces. Keeps clothes out of the landfill and me out of the poorhouse. I wear my wedding ring and my beloved Ariel Gordon necklace every day. And add one of my two pairs of earrings when I’m getting fancy—a.k.a twice a year."">

“首先,内衣。文胸对我来说简直就是灾难。事实上，我的胸部相当大，而且在过去的六年里，我有四年都在喂奶……对了，最后两个宝宝只愿意用一边喂奶。哇。总之，我发现三色堇有限公司．我非常爱他们。这双鞋太小了，所以我穿XXL的，不过很舒服。胸大的胸罩是出了名的恶心和主妇气。我有几条裤子，都是松紧带的。更舒服，但它们都有有趣的形状。我目前最喜欢的是黑色的起重机，诗,Ijji．前几天我试穿了牛仔裤，感觉太郁闷了。我可怜的身体受了折磨。但我正在寻找一个有弹性的高层公寓。我想穿这样的衣服卡姆的裤子但它们就是不适合我的体型。”

“然后你需要一些好的t恤。我最喜欢的是Skargorn因为它们太厚了。但我也有一些老海军那些已经有十年之久的蛋糕非常柔软，非常薄。他们死的时候我会很沮丧。我有几件连体衣，大部分都有Ilana科恩但我有一些孕妇用的Storq无论是否怀孕，我都会一直穿下去，因为它们太舒服了。还有来自Neve + Hawk的日落套头衫!当然，你需要一些层次。我有一个黑色的起重机外套式衬衫,一个Ilana科恩牛仔外套和一件老海军我刚旋转的牛仔衬衫。哦，我有两个Babaa毛衣。真的是这样。”

“我有三双鞋一大堆．它变得如此糟糕，以至于当我打扮的时候，我就像，‘我可以用Birks来搭配这个，对吧?’剧透一下，我不应该。我也不买全价的东西。永远。我的大部分东西都来自noihsaf.bazaar来自IG，如果你还没听说过，欢迎加入。中等价位，二手物品。这样衣服就不会被扔进垃圾堆，我也不会住进救济院。我戴着我的婚戒和我的爱人阿里尔戈登每天戴项链。再加上我两副耳环中的一副等我有了花式a.k。A一年两次。”

Scunci for the hair ties that I drag my probably unwashed hair into a bun with every day. I need to do a WAY better job of having a routine. One thing is, I’m super focused on clean products, all around. So that is everything from laundry detergent to conditioner to mascara. Yes, I’m super neurotic about it. I try and avoid plastic if at all possible, use refillable containers, or buy things that can be recycled. I’ve gotten really sensitive to scents so I stick to things that use natural ingredients."

"Things that definitely happen: I wash my face in the shower with Luxaskin facial cleansing oil. It’s locally owned and developed by two super rad women that I’ve known for over ten years and it’s a moment of luxury I get every day...ugh, what a mom thing to say. I use Wildest toothpaste which I really like! And the tube is recyclable aluminum. I sometimes get it together to put lotion on my face. When I do, I use Luxaskin purifying moisturizer or Earth tu Face Oil. If it’s at night, I use Vintner’s Daughter, which was a total splurge, but I like it a lot. When I wash my hair, I use True Botanicals. I have SO MUCH HAIR. It’s sort of exhausting, but I haven’t gotten it together to get a haircut. It’s naturally wavy so if I do this very specific dance with it where I comb it at the appropriate time and put the right product in at the exact right time of the drying process...it looks ok. I just bought some Oribe stuff—not the cleanest, ingredient-wise—that seems to be working for me! For makeup, it’s either nothing or a full face with winged eyeliner. I use a tinted moisturizer and concealer from Luxaskin, but they are discontinuing their makeup line which is the worst news ever. Eyeliner is a Stila pen and has been for a good twelve years at this point. When I do cut my hair, it’s with Nichole at Barrow and a million shoutouts to Maddi at Michele Holmes Studio for helping me get my brows back to the large and in charge status of my dreams. The '90s were not kind to eyebrows. I’m looking at you, Gwen Stefani."">

“大声喊出来Scunci感谢我每天把可能还没洗的头发扎成发髻的发带。我需要在日常生活方面做得更好。一件事是，我非常关注所有的清洁产品。所以从洗衣液到护发素再到睫毛膏都是这样。是的，我对此超级神经质。如果可能的话，我会尽量避免使用塑料，使用可重复使用的容器，或者购买可以回收的东西。我对香味非常敏感，所以我坚持使用天然成分的东西。”

“肯定会发生的事情:我洗澡时用Luxaskin洁面油．它是由我认识了十多年的两个超级棒的女人在当地拥有和开发的，这是我每天都能享受到的奢侈时刻……你妈怎么这么说。我使用最疯狂的牙膏我真的很喜欢!管是可回收的铝。我有时会把它放在一起涂在脸上。当我这样做时，我使用Luxaskin净化保湿霜或地球表面油．如果是晚上，我就用酿造葡萄酒的人的女儿这完全是一种挥霍，但我非常喜欢它。当我洗头的时候，我用真正的植物．我有这么多头发。虽然有点累，但我还没攒够钱去理个发。它是自然的波浪，所以如果我在适当的时间梳理它，在干燥过程的正确时间放入正确的产品……看起来不错。我刚买了一些Oribe这些东西——不是最干净的，明智的成分——似乎对我有用!至于化妆，要么什么都不做，要么画个满脸的眼线。我用的是有色保湿霜和遮瑕膏Luxaskin但是他们停止了他们的化妆品系列，这是有史以来最糟糕的消息。眼线笔是Stila在这一点上，他已经整整12年了。我剪头发的时候，都是妮可在巴罗还有无数次为麦迪欢呼Michele Holmes工作室谢谢你帮我把眉毛变回我梦想中的大眉毛。90年代的人不喜欢眉毛。我在看着你，格温·史蒂芬妮。”

Mikio wears a Nico Nico shirt, a vintage jacket embroidered by Jillian Christofferson, and Vans. Isao wears a Bobo Choses sweatshirt and pants, Pulp Co. hat, and Vans. ">

“嗯，我已经两年没剪头发了——不是自愿的——前几天我刚做了一年来的第一次足疗，所以我不能说我在自我护理方面很出色。我想我和很多妈妈一样。我每天都兴奋地开始做任何事情——健身?一个人去散步?自己去洗手间?但三个孩子的后勤工作妨碍了我，到了晚上8点，我能做的就是看《布拉沃》——我毫无歉意地看了——和我丈夫一起笑我们的孩子有多疯狂。所以，答案是我没有健康计划，但我应该这样做。我刚刚又开始在一个为妈妈们开设的小组课程上健身——比如，我去了一次——这真是太棒了!哦!我听手机上的应用程序入睡。 It helps my mind quiet down. Then every morning for the drive to school, it always kicks on through the bluetooth speaker in the van. Mikio and I have a good little laugh about it."

Mikio穿着一件尼科尼科衬衫，刺绣的复古夹克吉莉安Christofferson,货车．Isao穿着一件波波的选择运动衫和裤子，纸浆有限公司帽子,货车．

"When I do get time for myself, I want to spend it with adults. I try and hang with friends or have a rare date with my husband. We count anything from walking to the grocery store together to having drinks after the kids are all down, as a date. In fact, one of my favorite moments post kids was a trip to the grocery store where he said, 'Let’s grab a beer instead.' I laughed but he said, 'I’m serious! Your parents have the kids. Let’s just run over to the bar.' It was one of the most fun 15 minutes I’ve had. That being said, to get 'me time' I have to schedule it. Which really goes against my desire for spontaneity, but I don’t know who I think I am expecting an excess of free time with three children. The last few months, I’ve been taking a ceramics class once a week that has done wonders for my sanity."">

“我得到的不多。这绝对是我正在积极尝试解决的问题。对三个孩子来说，最难的部分之一就是一切的后勤保障。开车送最大的孩子去学校，然后孩子需要午睡，然后蹒跚学步的孩子也需要午睡，但孩子醒来的时间正好是蹒跚学步的孩子需要睡觉的时间，然后学校接孩子，让孩子回去午睡，想好晚餐做什么——如果我在下午4点之前还没有开始，我就会喂所有人，洗澡，看书，睡觉。幸运的是，我丈夫在家工作，所以我有很多帮手。然后还有活动!我试着限制我们的课程，这样孩子们就有更多的时间玩耍。但让我们面对现实吧，我也不知道如何去接触所有的人。当我有一个孩子的时候，我们一起去讲故事，去妈妈的小组游泳，听音乐。最后这两首歌是我在浴缸里唱的，所以我认为基本上是一样的，对吧?”

“当我有自己的时间时，我想和成年人一起度过。我试着和朋友们一起玩，或者和我的丈夫有一次难得的约会。我们把任何事情都算作约会，从一起去杂货店，到孩子们都睡下后一起喝一杯。事实上，有一次去杂货店，他对我说:“我们去喝杯啤酒吧。”我笑了，但他说:“我是认真的!你父母有孩子。我们跑到酒吧去吧。”这是我度过的最有趣的15分钟之一。也就是说，为了获得“自己的时间”，我必须安排好时间。这真的违背了我随心所欲的愿望，但我不知道我在期待谁我有三个孩子，有多余的空闲时间。 The last few months, I’ve been taking a ceramics class once a week that has done wonders for my sanity."

"I’m careful to never say anything disparaging about myself, physical or otherwise, in front of them. I will never be on a diet or criticize my body. Ever. They see me in the shower, or my belly exposed while I nurse. I try and picture how they see me, that they think I’m beautiful. That they will never look back and say, 'Remember that Mama had stretch marks?' They will just remember that I was a soft place to settle into, that I smelled like clary sage, that my glasses always left little red indentations on my nose bridge. They won’t know that I don’t like my arms unless I keep reminding them, and I won’t let them remember me being unkind to myself."

"I try to limit the critical things I have to say about other people around them as well. Writing that down, it seems so obvious, but in practice, keeping my sarcastic comments to myself is harder than it seems."">

“这是一切。但当我成为母亲的时候，我开始看到，对我来说，成为一个榜样是人性的，是平易近人的。我曾经把榜样视为完美的标志，应该在各个方面效仿。但我并不完美。我有很大的缺陷。我在想办法，就像其他人一样。所以我希望我的孩子们看到我在成长，在改变，在适应，在坚强，在脆弱……我希望我能让他们看到自己身上的这些东西，这样他们就能反过来发现自己身上的东西。”

“我很小心，从不在他们面前说任何贬低自己的话，无论是身体上的还是其他方面的。我永远不会节食，也不会批评我的身材。永远。他们看到我洗澡，或者我喂奶时露出肚子。我试着想象他们是怎么看我的，他们觉得我很漂亮。他们永远不会回头说，‘记得妈妈有妊娠纹吗?’他们只会记得我是一个柔软的地方，我闻起来像鼠尾草，我的眼镜总是在我的鼻梁上留下红色的小凹痕。除非我不断提醒他们，否则他们不会知道我不喜欢我的手臂，我不会让他们记得我对自己不友好。”

“我也会尽量少说对他们周围人的批评。写下来，这似乎是显而易见的，但实际上，把我的讽刺评论藏在心里比看起来要难得多。”

“Tosan明年将得到一些应得的关注。这是个好主意。这是个很酷的概念。它有腿。一开始我只印刷了12件运动衫，后来我完全靠自己把它发展成了一个非常受人尊敬的小生意。一旦我有时间和精力给予它应有的东西，我就迫不及待地想看看它将如何发展和开花。就我个人而言，有那么多，也有那么少。我想继续努力，让自己更轻松。再自私一点。别那么内疚了。 It’s my 40th birthday next year and our 10th wedding anniversary. There will be a trip, adults only, and it’s going to be amazing. I’m going to miss my kids but they will be fine and we can toast them from a beach somewhere. Gotta put your oxygen mask on first."

her and Tosan on Instagram. ">

想要了解更多关于Surya，她的儿子们，以及她对母亲的诚实态度，一定要关注她的而且到Instagram。