母亲:流行病中的育儿—

8位母亲反思在流行病中养育孩子的2年

凯蒂·欣茨-桑布拉诺(Katie Hintz-Zambrano)著

下午12点

03/18/22

本周是美国首次因COVID-19实施封锁整整两周年，这颠覆了全国各地家庭的生活，并在全球各地造成了一波又一波的破坏。尤其是父母，他们曾经(现在仍然)要承担非常沉重的负担，因为学校和日托所突然关闭，工作和生活之间的平衡往往成为一种不可能的平衡。

为了了解疫情对全美母亲们的育儿意义，我们邀请了8位鼓舞人心的女性向我们讲述了她们的经历。从教育工作者、医生到企业家，甚至还有两位决定移居国外的母亲——这些韧性强的母亲(新生儿到青少年!)分享了她们在大流行期间的高潮和低谷，以及她们个人的突破和对正在经历疫情的其他母亲的建议。

单击任意图像进入幻灯片

"The anxiety that has come with having an unvaccinated baby, now toddler, has also been a constant source of stress and emotional depletion for me." "Before the pandemic, I think I just assumed that a group of mothers with babies would magically appear in my peripheral after I gave birth. I’m now starting to realize that my physical isolation from friends and other moms feels impactful in a way that I haven’t fully processed." "The relentless labor, and emotional weight of motherhood during a pandemic is so unbelievably real."">: 关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“这要看是哪一天。关于这段时间，有太多的事情改变了我的一切，以及我对我们家庭这段时间的看法。我认为，总的来说，最困难的部分是在照顾孩子方面缺乏稳定性，同时我还要应付难以预测的自由职业时间表。作为一名商业和编辑摄影师，任务总是在最后一刻到来，而大型项目往往需要出差。”

“有一个没有接种疫苗的婴儿，现在是蹒跚学步的孩子，带来的焦虑也一直是我压力和情绪消耗的来源。”

“在大流行之前，我以为我生完孩子后，一群带着孩子的母亲会神奇地出现在我的周围。我现在开始意识到，我与朋友和其他妈妈的身体隔离在某种程度上对我的影响是我还没有完全消化的。”

“在大流行期间，作为母亲的不懈劳动和情感负担是如此真实得令人难以置信。”

"It also allowed my husband to spend such an incredible amount of time with our daughter that he would not have gotten to otherwise. He was on the road around 150 days for photoshoots in 2019, the year that I was pregnant. The beginning of the pandemic pretty much shut the photo industry down, and with that he experienced so much more time with her than we anticipated he would be able to." "I think all of the babies that have come into this world over the past two years have been such an incredible balm for us all."">: 乌云背后的幸福线:

“尽管有很多混乱和不确定性，但在这段时间里有太多的美好和欢乐。那些不受干扰的早期在家照顾新生儿的日子对我来说是难以置信的特别和宣泄。我觉得它把我们绑在这个茧里，这是其他任何情况都无法做到的。”

“这也让我的丈夫有了如此多的时间和我们的女儿在一起，这是他在其他情况下无法得到的。2019年，也就是我怀孕的那一年，他为了拍摄照片在路上奔波了大约150天。大流行的开始几乎让摄影行业关闭了，因此他和她在一起的时间比我们预期的要长得多。”

“我认为过去两年里来到这个世界上的所有宝宝对我们所有人来说都是一种不可思议的安慰。”

"My viewpoint as an artist has also massively shifted since I stepped into motherhood. I began a personal project titled Breathing Room, which explores the liminal space between the pieces of myself that I lost as I became a mother, and also gained as I became one. The pictures from this series have been helping me to feel grounded and connect with this new version of myself, who teeters between feeling foreign, and familiar." Follow along with Jillian and her family @jillianguyette on Instagram and at jillianguyette.com.">: 突破:

“在大流行刚开始的时候生孩子和第一次当妈妈是完全不现实的。这种不确定性的程度，以及日复一日的生活需要，真的迫使我放弃了对我们的生活的许多预期。”

“自从我成为母亲后，我作为一个艺术家的观点也发生了巨大的转变。我开始了一个名为喘息的空间这本书探索了我在成为母亲的过程中失去的和在成为母亲的过程中获得的自我之间的界限空间。这个系列的照片让我感觉踏实，让我与这个新版本的自己联系起来，那个在陌生和熟悉之间摇摆不定的自己。”

跟着吉莉安和她的家人@jillianguyette在Instagram和jillianguyette.com．

: 关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“我试图保护我没有接种疫苗、无法戴口罩的孩子，不让那些相信他们不会传播COVID的成年人感染，同时也试图阻止我作为一名医护人员把COVID带回家给我的孩子。”

: 乌云背后的幸福线:

“疫苗。期。”

Advice to pass along:

"Create rules and boundaries for how you will live in a pandemic. It makes your 'yes's more exciting and your 'no's less difficult to say."

Follow along with Joy at @thedrjoy on Instagram.">: 突破:

“我实际上是在大流行期间成为一名母亲的，并在这段时间选择做母亲，因为我意识到生命是多么短暂。成为母亲对我的生活和事业都是一个突破，因为它帮助我建立了更多的同理心，作为一个女人、母亲和医生，我肯定会把这些带到即将到来的疫情后生活中。”

传递的建议:

“为你在大流行中如何生活制定规则和界限。这会让你说“是”时更激动人心，说“不”时更容易启齿。”

跟随Joy在@thedrjoyInstagram。

"I think for me the hardest part was having to be that parent who was extra careful, extra protective, and extra worrisome of my child who is autoimmune during the pandemic. I felt isolated since the beginning but now I feel it even more so as we go into the endemic phase." ">: 关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“养育子女的各个方面本身都很困难，而随着疫情的蔓延，这一困难进一步放大。这段旅程不仅如此孤独，我们也在呵护着我们的孩子们的心，他们也有同样的感受，也许比我们更有这种感受。”

“我认为，对我来说，最困难的部分是，在大流行期间，我的孩子患有自身免疫疾病，我必须成为一个格外小心、格外保护和格外担心的父母。我从一开始就感到孤立，但现在随着我们进入流行阶段，我感到更加孤立。”

: 乌云背后的幸福线:

“能够更多地像一家人一样在家里度过这些时光，通过我们的起伏和挑战来真正理解和了解彼此。”

Advice to pass along:

"I wish for others to be more patient and empathetic, we tend to get lost in the mix of life and the uncertainty around what is happening globally. The pandemic has taught me an enormous amount of empathy. Empathy towards others who are not as privileged as I am, those who need it the most, and really trying to live knowing I can make somewhat of a difference in another person's life. It takes so much patience to put yourself in another's position. Learning to be kind, gentle, and compassionate, especially now."

Follow along with Caroline at @shopmercimilo on Instagram">: 突破:

“过去的两年是沉重的人生教训，我们都对大流行和全球问题的不确定性感到不知所措/焦虑。在这一切的某个时刻，你会突然意识到混乱中的美好。有许多日子，我孤独地坐着，满怀感激之情。在这样一个充满挑战的时刻，我们取得了如此多的成就，这让我感到谦卑，但与家人在一起(健康和安全)给了我如此强大的内在力量。我计划每天都练习，因为它让我对生活在这个前所未有的时代所能提供的东西有了不同的看法。”

传递的建议:

“我希望其他人更有耐心，更有同理心，我们往往会迷失在生活的混乱中，迷失在全球正在发生的不确定性中。这次大流行教会了我很多同理心。同情那些没有我那么优越的人，那些最需要同情的人，真正努力去生活，知道我可以为别人的生活带来一些改变。设身处地为别人着想需要很大的耐心。学会善良、温柔和富有同情心，尤其是现在。”

跟随卡洛琳@shopmercimilo在Instagram

关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“如果说疫情前找到平衡很困难，那么现在感觉不可能了。即使在学校重新开学的时候，随着时间的流逝，我似乎已经失去了肌肉记忆，也失去了如何在孩子、工作和自己之间平衡，而不让自己感到完全耗尽的能力。去年我们家还迎来了另一个宝宝，所以这可能也有很大的关系!”

乌云背后的幸福线:

“在家工作在很多方面都是一种幸福，帮助我利用白天的时间在会议之间挤出时间做家务，这是新冠疫情前我无法做的。节省通勤时间也感觉像是上天赐予的时间，用来帮助你完成没完没了的待办事项清单。但是，即使有了工作的父母更容易的后勤保障，精神上的负担还是比我记得的要重得多。”

Advice to pass along:

"I'm sure none of us feel like we've figured this out, even two years in, but I know for me I would very likely be in a different headspace at this point if it wasn't for memes. Honestly. Finding humor in such heavy times was necessary, but even moreso, identifying with a meme really made me feel less alone. That there's a community of moms that can all relate to the struggle in some way that ties us all together in a laugh. I wouldn't qualify that as 'wisdom,' but it is the truth!"

Follow along with Eli at @tokimats and @eliyonas on Instagram.">

突破:

“投降。那种举起双手，知道自己“真的”无法控制任何事情的感觉。这是相当自由的。我现在的态度是“我只是在尽我最大的努力”，这比我以前做得更多，我认为这是我避免螺旋式上升的原因。另外，我是在covid呈阳性的时候写这篇文章的，所以……”

传递的建议:

“我敢肯定，我们当中没有人觉得自己已经搞清楚了这个问题，即使是在两年之后，但我知道，如果不是因为表情包，我现在很可能处于不同的状态。诚实。在这样艰难的时刻寻找幽默是必要的，但更重要的是，认同一个表情包真的让我感到不那么孤独。有一个母亲群体，她们都能以某种方式把我们联系在一起，一起欢笑。我不认为这是‘智慧’，但这是真理!”

跟随伊莱在@tokimats而且@eliyonasInstagram。

"At the same time that we were all trying to just live day-by-day at home—doing all the things, baking bread, gardening, having so many movie nights—George Floyd was murdered. While most of our town stood up and took the streets, we couldn't! Neighbors, community members, and young activists were getting arrested left and right and with my immigration status or, better to say, my non-existent immigration status, we couldn't risk marching and for me to get arrested."

"Not being able to go in the streets to stand up with our Black and brown brothers and sisters after we had been teaching our kids since they were 2-years-old that that's what we do took a big piece of my heart. It made me so frustrated and like the worst mother on earth for not having a stupid paper that would allow to take them in the streets!"

"Even though my kids have been very aware of my immigration status since they are 5, they were also scared and frustrated. Us sitting at home made everything harder. We did at the end figure out that every movement needs money to run, that our community members, activists, and neighborhoods need to eat, and that a lot of people need to get bailed out. So we started raising money. Azul made earrings, Luca made paintings, I sold stuff from my closet, we sold food, we sold shaved ice, and our community showed up and we were able to help the revolution, like my Luca would say!"">

关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“我想在家教育我的双胞胎，但后来意识到我不同意任何课程，所以我们走了非学校教育的路线——这很难!”既要做生意，又要给两个极其固执己见、对疫情非常困惑的10岁孩子上四年级的课，这绝对让我抓狂。但作为两个住在爱荷华州的移民家庭的孩子，我确实学会了如何更多地相信自己，相信我是如何抚养他们的，相信我的孩子真正需要什么。走到这一步并不容易，我很害怕我会辜负我的孩子，我们所有人都流了很多眼泪!此外，我的继女伊莎贝拉大三在卧室里进行虚拟学习对她来说太难了，我和我的伴侣也不知道如何帮助她。在大流行期间抚养一个十几岁的孩子不适合胆小的人。”

“与此同时，我们都试图在家里过一天又一天——做所有的事情，烤面包，园艺，有那么多的电影之夜——乔治·弗洛伊德被谋杀了。当我们镇上的大多数人站起来上街抗议时，我们不能!邻居、社区成员和年轻的活动人士到处被逮捕，以我的移民身份，或者更好地说，我根本不存在的移民身份，我们不能冒险游行，让我被捕。”

“我们从孩子两岁起就教育他们这是我们的工作，但不能和我们的黑人和棕色皮肤的兄弟姐妹们走到街上，站在一起，这让我很伤心。这让我非常沮丧，我觉得自己是世界上最糟糕的母亲，因为我没有一张愚蠢的证件，可以把他们带到街上去!”

“尽管我的孩子们从5岁起就非常清楚我的移民身份，但他们也很害怕和沮丧。我们坐在家里让一切都变得更困难。我们最终发现，每一项运动都需要资金来进行，我们的社区成员、活动人士和社区需要吃饭，很多人需要得到救助。所以我们开始筹集资金。阿苏尔做耳环，卢卡做绘画，我卖我衣橱里的东西，我们卖食物，我们卖刨冰，我们的社区出现了，我们能够帮助革命，就像我的卢卡会说的那样!”

乌云背后的幸福线:

“我们一家人在一起的所有时间。很cliché，我知道!我最大的希望是我的妈妈(奶奶)决定辞职，因为她意识到她不想错过那么多孙子的生活，实际上，她也不想继续错过自己的生活。去年我们失去了我丈夫的母亲，所以有我母亲在身边对我们来说非常重要。”

Advice to pass along:

"I'm the first person to always say don't take advice from others, because I feel like it was the best advice my mother gave me when the twins were born! But something that has work for us is that we are very open with our children and we are always asking questions and opening difficult topics and discussing them as a family. It has been amazing to see their point of view and even the way they see our parenting."

"And don't even get me started with the government. In the last few years I have been completely disillusioned by our government. From the treatment of our Black and brown community, my own Latinx community! I have been in this country for 19 years without any hope of a path to citizenship. The pandemic taught me that my neighbors and my community would show up! Mutual aid is what I believe in now."

Follow along with Laura at @lauradrodriguez @undocumentedmomhood and @lauracleanshouses on Instagram. ">

突破:

“在过去的一年里，随着生意的发展，我也意识到我的幸福更重要。所以，如果说我学到了什么，那就是少工作，多创造。如果我在生活中处于一个好的位置，我知道我的孩子们也是!疫情给了我们家一种新常态的感觉。我们不想回到以前的样子，我们向前看，即使现在感觉我们的世界已经破碎了，我们只是尽最大努力过好每一天，总是用快乐作为一种抵抗。”

传递的建议:

“我是第一个总是说不要接受别人建议的人，因为我觉得这是我妈妈在双胞胎出生时给我的最好的建议!”但对我们有用的一点是，我们对孩子非常开放，我们总是问问题，打开困难的话题，作为一个家庭讨论它们。能看到他们的观点，甚至是他们看待我们育儿的方式，真是太棒了。”

“更别提政府了。在过去的几年里，我对我们的政府彻底失望了。从我们黑人和棕色人种社区，我自己的拉丁裔社区所受到的待遇来看!我已经在这个国家生活了19年，没有任何成为公民的希望。大流行教会我，我的邻居和社区会出现!我现在相信的是互助。”

跟随劳拉在@lauradrodriguez @undocumentedmomhood而且@lauracleanshousesInstagram。

"Transitioning into solo parent life throughout the pandemic must have been the hardest thing I experienced—the responsibility and anxiety has been overwhelming at times, finding my way back in the country I once lived. But it also made me so strong and determined to make sure my daughter lives a happy life with a happy mom, while the world was dealing with COVID."">

关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“就在两年前，疫情刚开始时，我成为了一名单身母亲。我仍然和我的女儿住在洛杉矶，但我意识到我需要离家人更近一些来获得支持，所以我决定在加利福尼亚生活了6年后搬回荷兰。我们准时飞回来了，就在边境关闭的前一天。我们搬到了我家乡一个叫Zaandijk的地方，在过去的两年里，我们一直生活在一个安全和甜蜜的泡泡里，和家人和最好的朋友在一起。”

“在大流行期间过渡到单亲父母的生活肯定是我经历过的最艰难的事情——有时责任和焦虑压倒了我，要找到我曾经生活过的国家的路。但这也让我变得如此坚强，决心在全世界应对新冠疫情的时候，确保我的女儿和一个幸福的妈妈过上幸福的生活。”

乌云背后的幸福线:

“在过去的几年里，我能够全心全意地关注我的女儿，这是一份礼物。我现在意识到，这一切都应该是这样发生的——因为我们的旅程，我能够照顾她直到3岁，一起睡觉，一起分享里程碑。在家里的大量时间给了我时间和空间来疗伤，更多的自爱，并实现我在生活中真正的渴望。”

Phii. When I left from California, I returned to Netherlands with a suitcase of kids vintage that I collected in LA. I started selling vintage denim from California to moms here in Netherlands. Now two years later, I’m so proud how much Phii has grown. Another business I started is a digital marketing agency. One of my clients is Storq, which keeps me connected to my other home, California."

"I was still able to send Delphi to daycare (which is almost free here in Netherlands and one of the reasons I moved back!) consistently throughout the pandemic. In that way, I was able to focus on my career."

"And now that I’m not single anymore, I really want to make sure I will always keep that drive, passion, and determinacy that I discovered in the last years. It brought magic to dark times. At this moment, almost all COVID restrictions have been lifted in Netherlands. We’ll be moving in with my boyfriend in Amsterdam and Delphi will start school soon. I'm really excited for these changes and happy times in spring."

Advice to pass along:

"It can be hard to give advice about parenting in a pandemic because it’s hard to know where people stand, but in the end we’re all parents and we want to keep our kids happy and safe. Everyone does that in their own way. I can only speak for myself that we were grateful (for a safe place to live), never fearful, and respectful to our surroundings. And now that we’re entering another year, we’re making sure to have a bit more fun again and enjoy life."

Follow along with Angela at @angelamoyra and @phii.co on Instagram. ">

突破:

“因为我是一个单亲妈妈，我需要找到创造性的方式在家工作，所以除了成为一名录音艺术家，我还创办了一些企业。其中一家是古董店，φi．当我从加利福尼亚离开时，我带着一箱子我在洛杉矶收集的儿童古董回到荷兰。我开始向荷兰的妈妈们出售加州的复古牛仔。现在两年过去了，我很自豪φi也在增长。我创办的另一家公司是一家数字营销机构。我的一个客户就是Storq这让我和我的另一个家加利福尼亚州保持着联系。”

“在大流行期间，我仍然能够把德尔菲送到日托所(在荷兰几乎是免费的，这也是我搬回来的原因之一!)这样，我才能专注于我的事业。”

“现在我不再单身了，我真的想确保我能永远保持我在过去几年发现的动力、激情和决心。它给黑暗时代带来了魔力。目前，荷兰几乎取消了所有的新冠肺炎限制措施。我们会搬去阿姆斯特丹和我男朋友一起住特尔斐很快就要开始上学了。我对春天的这些变化和快乐时光感到非常兴奋。”

传递的建议:

“在大流行期间，很难给出育儿建议，因为很难知道人们的立场，但归根结底，我们都是父母，我们希望让我们的孩子快乐和安全。每个人都有自己的方式。我只能代表我自己说，我们很感激(有一个安全的地方居住)，从不害怕，并且尊重我们的环境。现在我们又进入了新的一年，我们要确保再次享受更多的乐趣，享受生活。”

跟随安吉拉在@angelamoyra而且@phii.coInstagram。

"During the pandemic, so many of the families in the Bay Area community were confused on who to even go to for support and resources. My goal was to provide answers for the Black and brown community and offer them hope in a very trying time. From writing grants to PG&E, to contacting the city for housing support, to going grocery shopping for families who had to quarantine, to even filing paperwork for eviction extensions, I made it a personal mission to help my community and put resources into the hands of our families and friends. My goal was to ensure everyone had a safe space, nourishment, and someone to confide in. Everyday I went home with a heavy heart as I dealt with the ongoing turmoil our brown families had to endure during this pandemic. My one saving grace was knowing I had my mom and mother-in-law there for help, because the hardest part of this pandemic was missing my sons while working."">

关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“成为任何人的一切都是很难的。我为自己是社区的支持者和当下的母亲而自豪。这次大流行告诉我，我真的不能两者兼得。我不得不依靠我生命中的女性——我的母亲和岳母。我不得不让他们送我的大儿子去上学，指望他们放学后陪我的儿子去公园，每天和他们一起做阅读和写作练习。她们帮忙做饭，帮忙打扫，每天照顾我的儿子们。我向他们提出了这个要求，这样我就可以做一件贴近我内心的事，帮助湾区的黑人和棕色家庭获得他们需要和应得的一切。”

“在大流行期间，湾区社区的许多家庭甚至不知道该向谁寻求支持和资源。我的目标是为黑人和棕色人种社区提供答案，在一个非常艰难的时期给他们希望。从给PG&E写拨款，到联系市政府寻求住房支持，到为那些不得不隔离的家庭去杂货店购物，甚至是提交延期搬迁的文件，我把帮助我的社区和把资源交给我们的家人和朋友作为我的个人使命。我的目标是确保每个人都有一个安全的空间，营养，和一个可以倾诉的人。每天我都带着沉重的心情回家，因为我要处理我们棕色家庭在疫情期间不得不忍受的持续动荡。我唯一的可取之处是，我知道我的妈妈和岳母在那里帮助我，因为在这场大流行中，最困难的部分是在工作时想念我的儿子。”

乌云背后的幸福线:

“我热爱我的工作。我喜欢成为一名我的孩子和我教的孩子可以尊敬的教育者。从小到大，我从来没有过黑人老师，更不用说黑人校长了!我想告诉年轻人，我们可以在任何事情上取得成功，特别是教育领域。对我来说，知道我得到了母亲和岳母的支持，帮助我在旧金山抚养两个黑人男孩，知道我的家人为我的工作感到骄傲，这让我度过了艰难的时期。”

Advice to pass along:

"Find a tribe of moms who get you. Work with them on anything and everything that interests you and make sure you feel comfortable with yourself. Being a mom is hard, but being a full-time working mom in a pandemic is insane. Remember that there are women out there who have your back and will support you through anything. Lean on your friends and family and remember you cannot do everything!"

Follow along with Jasmine at @jazzymcdancy on Instagram.">

突破:

“我对自己有了信心，知道自己足够好。在大流行之前，我对自己非常严格，在内心为我能实现的事情而奋斗。我内心有个声音告诉我:“我还不够好。”现在，在38岁的时候，我终于对自己说，我够了。真的是一场大流行才让我意识到生命是多么短暂，如果你不满意现在的工作，那就辞职去尝试新的东西。”

传递的建议:

“找一群懂你的妈妈。和他们一起做任何你感兴趣的事情，确保你对自己感到舒服。做一个母亲很难，但在大流行期间做一个全职工作的母亲是疯狂的。记住，总有女人会支持你，支持你度过任何难关。依靠你的朋友和家人，记住你不能做所有的事!”

跟随Jasmine在@jazzymcdancyInstagram。

"This was my first pregnancy, and everything felt very new and exciting, but also disorienting at times. Soumya was born this past November. I’m Indian and my husband is Black and both of our cultures are very community-oriented. Big families, lots of celebrations. There are formalized rituals as part of Indian culture, particularly, to welcome new life and celebrate specific milestones as a baby grows. We’ve had to pare down some of these traditional celebrations already, and just had to be very selective about who we’re around. And at times I feel like my daughter and my family and friends are missing out on some very special moments to bond that we won’t get back."

"Also just learning how to be a parent for the first time without lots of in-person support! I just moved back to L.A. after 15 years (I was most recently in the Bay Area for 7 years). I have amazing support from my parents and my brother and husband, but most of my girlfriends with children are still up in Oakland and San Francisco or in other parts of the world entirely. So much of my support system has had to be—like everything else—remote. And while I’m incredibly thankful for how my friends and chosen family have shown up, FaceTime and virtual cuddles and cheek nibbles are just not the same as being in the same room as someone, feeling their energy, having your child sense a person’s joy and love for them."">

关于过去两年面临的最大挑战:

“让你在大流行期间怀孕，你就会发现你有多外向!”我和丈夫在2021年3月发现我怀孕了，那是大流行的第二年。因为当时没有足够的关于孕妇接种疫苗的研究，我决定把COVID疫苗接种推迟到我的中期。这意味着我的生活方式发生了重大改变，在我真正需要陪伴的时候，我常常感到孤独。”

“这是我第一次怀孕，一切都感觉非常新鲜和兴奋，但有时也会迷失方向。Soumya是去年11月出生的。我是印度人，我丈夫是黑人，我们的文化都非常以社区为导向。大家庭，很多庆祝活动。作为印度文化的一部分，有正式的仪式，特别是欢迎新生命和庆祝婴儿成长过程中的特定里程碑。我们已经不得不减少一些传统的庆祝活动了，我们必须非常有选择性地选择我们身边的人。有时我觉得我的女儿和我的家人和朋友错过了一些非常特别的时刻，我们不会再回来了。”

“我也是第一次在没有很多当面支持的情况下学习如何为人父母!我刚在15年后搬回洛杉矶(我最近在旧金山湾区呆了7年)。我的父母、哥哥和丈夫给了我很大的支持，但我的大多数有孩子的女朋友仍然在奥克兰、旧金山或世界上其他地方。所以我的支持系统不得不像其他一切一样——遥远。虽然我非常感谢我的朋友和家人的出现，但FaceTime、虚拟拥抱和轻咬脸颊与与某人在一个房间里、感受他们的能量、让你的孩子感受到一个人对他们的快乐和爱是不一样的。”

"Also, having to parent Soumya with a smaller in-person support group who isn’t always around has actually helped me build more confidence in being a mama. I’m still on maternity leave from my full-time role (though I teach as part-time faculty at Parsons School of Design), so I’m often alone with baby girl. While I know that the juggle isn’t as complex as it will be as Soumya gets older, it’s made me realize that I can actually handle more than I initially thought possible. And I’m building an instinct for the kind of mother I hope to evolve into for my daughter."">

乌云背后的幸福线:

“看到一个真正跨越全球的社区是多么地爱我们。我们的迎婴派对是虚拟的，这意味着来自世界各地的朋友和家人都可以加入进来，给我们的宝贝女儿沐浴爱。这也意味着德国、法国和印度等国的朋友有机会与苏米亚进行虚拟会面，而在大流行之前，我们可能没有优先考虑这一点，也没有时间这样做，因为我们会想——嗯，我们会有时间去旅行，亲自见到你。讽刺的是，鉴于COVID - 19限制措施和旅行的不确定性，因为我们更积极地抽出时间远程联系，我和这么多妈妈朋友变得更亲密了。”

“而且，有一个较小的当面支持小组来抚养Soumya，他们并不总是在我身边，这实际上帮助我建立了做妈妈的信心。我的全职工作还在休产假(虽然我在帕森斯设计学院担任兼职教师)，所以我经常和女儿独处。虽然我知道，随着苏米亚的长大，这种平衡并不像它将会变得那么复杂，但这让我意识到，我实际上可以处理比我最初想象的更多的事情。我正在培养一种本能，我希望自己能成为女儿的那种母亲。”

"I’ve also come to the realization that sometimes giving up control is the healthiest way to move forward. Soumya grows and changes every day, and every day I feel like I’m having to reacquaint myself with my beautiful baby girl. I like to say—I have goals, but I don’t make plans, and Soumya has very much tested this mindset of mine in the best of ways. We have some semblance of a routine, but she’s also a tiny human who’s learning how to be a person. That has to be a wild experience!"

"Our goals are to be happy, to be healthy, to get lots of time to play and laugh, to get to bath time at 6pm with some sense of our sanities intact. Most days we manage, but some days just aren’t on our side. Some days just feel like life is what I’m rushing to squeeze in during Soumya’s naps. And I’m learning more and more that that’s absolutely ok. I really struggled with breastfeeding and at 3 months Soumya decided she was done with the boobs and we transitioned fully onto baby formula. I felt so guilty, as though I’d let my daughter down. Like my body wasn’t doing what it was designed to do. But, I’m learning to be more gentle with myself, to work to emulate a model of motherhood that isn’t steeped in martyrdom, as I’ve often witnessed in my Indian culture."">

突破:

“我怀孕了2021年的大部分时间，Soumya是在11月出生的，所以我做妈妈的时间不长。有了孩子完全改变了我对事业、生活和工作的看法。我从事未来研究和思辨设计，也被称为远见。该领域致力于帮助政府、组织和个人思考和设计我们理想的未来。虽然这听起来可能是cliché，但有了Soumya，这项工作感觉更紧迫和更重要。这不是简单的思维练习。”

“我也意识到，有时候放弃控制权是向前发展最健康的方式。苏米亚每天都在成长和变化，每天我都觉得我必须重新认识我美丽的宝贝女儿。我喜欢说——我有目标，但我不制定计划，Soumya用最好的方式测试了我的这种心态。我们有一些例行公事，但她也是一个正在学习如何做人的小人类。那一定是一次疯狂的经历!”

“我们的目标是快乐、健康、有很多时间玩耍和欢笑，在下午6点洗澡的时候还能保持清醒。大多数时候我们都能应付，但有些时候我们就是无法应付。有时候我觉得生活就是我在苏米亚午睡时匆匆挤进去的东西。我越来越了解到这是完全可以的。我真的很挣扎于母乳喂养，在3个月大的时候，苏米亚决定不再养胸了，我们完全转向了婴儿配方奶粉。我觉得很内疚，好像我让我女儿失望了。就好像我的身体没有按照它的设计去做。但是，我正在学着对自己更温柔，努力模仿一种母亲的模式，而不是沉浸在殉难中，就像我在印度文化中经常看到的那样。”

"Find pockets of time for yourself. Again, these don’t have to be major escapes, just a moment to find yourself again. I realize that everyone’s family dynamic looks very different, and I can only speak from my personal experience. But I’m giving myself permission to create new rituals for myself. That means that my husband takes care of Soumya after her bathtime every evening and I have uninterrupted time to get a workout in. Or on Saturday mornings I take a bath while my husband spends time with baby girl for the morning before we do something together as a family. Or Soumya and I will take a walk to the coffee shop down the street, and mama gets some caffeine while baby girl gets some fresh air and sunshine. Or I’ll forego doing the laundry during naptime one afternoon and instead opt to get some yoga in while Soumya sleeps soundly via the baby monitor. I used to feel guilty for not crossing everything off my to-do list every day. But I’m realizing that we’re literally raising tiny happy humans, during a pandemic, when the world sometimes feels like it’s on fire. The fact that my child wakes up with a huge smile on her face every morning is a good enough accomplishment for me most days."

"A few weeks ago I read that Canada has now made it legal for physicians to prescribe time outdoors in national parks as treatment for patients. I don’t think we speak enough about mental health in general, let alone mental health for mothers. Often times the social infrastructure isn’t easily accessible (i.e. health insurance, access to therapists, access to child care). It’s so hard to navigate the systems that are currently in place. I had a consultant provided to me by my company to help me navigate parental leave and I still found it challenging. I’m not optimistic, but I’m hoping that this pandemic really sheds light on the mental health epidemic that many parents grapple with daily, and the fact that we need better networks of support from a public policy standpoint to address these issues."

"And finally, my sweet friend Kalkidan always reminds me, 'It’s not what the universe is doing to you, it’s what the universe is doing for you.' In times like these it sometimes helps to reframe and readjust our expectations of how things are supposed to go. We’ve got to be gentle with ourselves."

Follow along with Radha at @radha_mistry on Instagram. ">

传递的建议:

“拥抱、建立或寻找社区。如果没有亲密的朋友和家人帮助我正确看待事情，给我喘息的时间，或不时给我急需的笑声，我就会变成一个空壳。这些交流也不需要总是很长。我和朋友们会交换语音留言、WhatsApp消息、我们孩子的视频、愚蠢的网络表情包。小小的姿态，让我们以体贴的方式彼此联系在一起。”

“为自己找点时间。再说一次，这些不必是重大的逃避，只是重新找回自我的时刻。我意识到每个人的家庭活力看起来都很不一样，我只能从我的个人经历来说。但我允许自己为自己创造新的仪式。这意味着我的丈夫每天晚上在Soumya洗澡后照顾她，我也有不受打扰的时间去锻炼。或者在周六早上我洗澡，而我丈夫在早上陪着女儿，然后我们全家一起做点什么。或者苏米娅和我去街上的咖啡店散散步，妈妈喝点咖啡因，女儿呼吸点新鲜空气，晒晒太阳。或者我放弃在某个下午的午睡时间洗衣服，而是选择在苏米亚通过婴儿监视器熟睡时做瑜伽。我曾经因为没有把每天要做的事情都划掉而感到内疚。但我意识到，我们实际上是在养育微小的快乐人类，在大流行期间，当世界有时感觉像是着火了。 The fact that my child wakes up with a huge smile on her face every morning is a good enough accomplishment for me most days."

“几个星期前，我读到加拿大现在已经允许医生为病人开出在国家公园户外活动的处方作为治疗手段。我认为我们对心理健康的讨论还不够，更不用说母亲的心理健康了。通常情况下，社会基础设施不容易获得(例如，医疗保险、治疗师、儿童看护)。要驾驭现有的系统太难了。我的公司为我提供了一名顾问，帮助我处理产假问题，但我仍然觉得这很有挑战性。我并不乐观，但我希望这次大流行真的能让人们了解许多父母每天都在与之斗争的精神健康流行病，以及我们需要更好的公共政策支持网络来解决这些问题的事实。”

“最后，我亲爱的朋友Kalkidan总是提醒我，‘重要的不是宇宙对你做了什么，而是宇宙为你做了什么。’在这样的时刻，有时帮助我们重新构建和调整我们对事情应该如何发展的期望。我们必须善待自己。”

跟随Radha@radha_mistryInstagram。

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