与爱的月围绕着我们，我们认为只有从为人父母的角度来谈论这个话题才是正确的——具体来说，就是教会孩子爱。无论是浪漫的爱情，柏拉图式的爱情，还是自爱——爱的概念通常在童年时期就已经根深蒂固，并随着年龄的增长而逐渐展开。考虑到这一点，我们采访了来自全国各地的8位鼓舞人心的母亲，让她们回忆自己是如何被教会爱的，以及她们打算如何教会自己的孩子爱。
9 .母亲教给孩子什么是爱
上午10:30
02/09/23
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"I learned about other forms of love by the way I was treated and taken care of by my parents and my brothers. We have never been an overly verbal family when it comes to expressing our love, but we are highly affectionate. Hugs and kisses are the way my parents shared (and continue to share) love, while they have always used their words to instill a great deal of confidence and security, lifting me up so that I never forgot who I was or what I'm capable of."
"As the only girl, my brothers showed their love through acts of service. When I was young, they were always there to take care of me and ready to handle anything I needed, no matter what. That's actually how they show their love, even to this day!"">
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我的童年告诉我，爱是一种行动，而不是一句话。我的父母离婚了，所以我小时候没有学到很多浪漫意义上的爱，但我的家庭充满了爱。”
“通过父母和兄弟们对我的对待和照顾，我了解到了其他形式的爱。当谈到表达我们的爱时，我们从来都不是一个过度言语的家庭，但我们非常深情。拥抱和亲吻是我父母分享(并将继续分享)爱的方式，而他们总是用他们的语言灌输给我很大的信心和安全感，让我振作起来，让我永远不会忘记我是谁，我能做什么。”
“作为家里唯一的女孩，我的兄弟们通过服务来表达他们的爱。当我还小的时候，他们总是在那里照顾我，无论我需要什么，他们都准备好了。直到今天，这也是他们表达爱的方式!”
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Nina Westbrook is the Los Angeles-based founder of Minibrook, Bene by Nina, and creator of the Do Tell! card game.
You can follow her at @ninawestbook.">
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关于爱，你想教给你的孩子什么?
“你可以想象，我对我的孩子做了很多我父母为我做的事情。我非常爱我的孩子，我想教他们爱是无条件的。即使他们不在最佳状态，爱也会一直存在。我想让他们知道，他们不仅被爱着，而且还很重要。我们尊重他们不同的爱的语言和沟通方式，为他们提供机会和资源，让他们成长为善良、尊重他人、成功的人。在一天结束的时候，我想告诉他们，他们属于这个世界，就像他们自己一样。”
尼娜韦斯特布鲁克是洛杉矶的Minibrook，妮娜的《Bene》的创造者做告诉!卡牌游戏
你可以在@ninawestbook．
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我从食物中学到了很多关于爱的知识——我妈妈小心翼翼地从烤箱里拿出我最喜欢的奶酪soufflé来庆祝我的生日，我爸爸每天早上都如此小心地为我准备学校午餐。直到我自己的女儿上幼儿园时，我为她准备了第一份学校午餐，我才意识到这个早晨仪式是一种多么爱的行为。”
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"My wife and I try to model this for her—and it's not easy! But the other day, I was playing Jacks with my daughter and at a very tense moment, she paused and put her hands over her heart and gave herself some assurances that everything would be okay even if she messed up. It was a small, quiet moment that filled me with such wonder over the self-aware and self-compassionate person she's becoming. I love her so much, and I know that she feels my love always."
Nina LaCour is a Bay Area-based writer of books for adults and kids.
You can follow her @nina_lacour. ">
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关于爱，你想教你的孩子什么?
“像我这一代的许多父母一样，我非常倾向于帮助我的女儿了解自己，同情她的挣扎和错误，无条件地爱自己。”
“我妻子和我试图为她树立榜样——这并不容易!但有一天，我和我女儿玩杰克游戏，在一个非常紧张的时刻，她停了下来，把手放在心口，给自己一些保证，即使她搞砸了，一切都会好起来的。那是一个小小的、安静的时刻，让我对她正在成为一个有自知之明、自我同情的人充满了好奇。我非常爱她，我知道她永远都能感受到我的爱。”
尼娜神父她是旧金山湾区的成人和儿童书籍作家。
你可以跟着她@nina_lacour．
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"So, as you can see—I didn’t have great examples of love. I learned about love from outside sources. Such as family friends who had been happily married and through reading romantic novels."
"The lack of love during childhood can rob us of love in adulthood. It can make us have trust issues and search for affection elsewhere. Most times in the wrong places. When I met my husband, I knew I found TRUE LOVE."
"He loves me unconditionally for who I am. Even in times when I fail to connect emotionally. He just gets me." ">
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“作为一个孩子，我从来不知道真爱。我的生父不在家，但他给我寄来了钱，以代替我需要他的爱。我的继父在我身边，却对我母亲进行身体和语言上的虐待。我的祖父母在我出生前就离婚了。还有我的曾祖父母，他们结婚了，但从不表达爱意。”
“所以，正如你所看到的，我没有爱的伟大例子。我从外界了解到爱。比如那些婚姻幸福、读过言情小说的家庭朋友。”
“童年时期缺乏爱，成年后也会失去爱。它会让我们产生信任问题，并在其他地方寻找情感。大多数时候都在错误的地方。当我遇到我的丈夫时，我知道我找到了真爱。”
“他无条件地爱我。即使在我无法与人建立情感联系的时候。他就是懂我。”
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"A few things that my husband and I do in front of the kids are holding hands, kissing, hugging, complimenting each other, and saying I love you. We also try to have disagreements in front of them so that they know that real love isn’t perfect. You can disagree or have a different opinion and still love someone with all of your heart."
"Logan and Lia are the children of a nutritionist and a wellness entrepreneur. They watch me cook healthy foods from scratch and consciously move my body. We believe our body is a temple and we have to take care of the one we have."
"The lesson of love doesn’t just stop with acts of love. As our babies continue to grow older, they will learn about the source of love: God. Love is the greatest commandment. 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.' (Matthew 22:36-39)."
Camryn Byer is a Hawaii-based nutritionist and entrepreneur.
You can follow her @camrynbyer. ">
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关于爱，你想教给你的孩子什么?
“孩子是模仿者，我从无条件的爱开始。作为一个家庭，我们通过倾听、诚实、分享和给予爱来表达我们的爱。老实说，我不知道有多少次我停下来抱起我的孩子，爱他们。”
“我丈夫和我在孩子们面前做的一些事情是手牵手、亲吻、拥抱、互相赞美，说我爱你。我们也试着在他们面前提出不同意见，这样他们就知道真爱不是完美的。你可以不同意或有不同的意见，但仍然全心全意地爱一个人。”
洛根和莉亚的父母分别是营养学家和健康企业家。他们看着我从头开始做健康的食物，有意识地运动我的身体。我们相信我们的身体是一座寺庙，我们必须照顾好我们所拥有的那座。”
“爱的教训不仅仅止于爱的行动。随着我们的孩子逐渐长大，他们将了解爱的源泉:上帝。爱是最大的戒律。你要尽心、尽性、尽意、爱耶和华你的神。’这是第一条，也是最大的诫命。(马太福音22:36-39)。”
Camryn拜尔她是夏威夷的营养学家和企业家。
你可以跟着她@camrynbyer．
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我清楚地记得，尽管我来自一个小家庭，但我们有一个非常大的家庭社区。那些从我出生起就在我生命中的人，那些后来进入我生命的人，都不重要。我们家的门总是开着的。我的父母爱着那么多的人和朋友，我很快就明白了我的心可以容纳和爱的东西是无限的。我不需要选择，每个人都有空间。”
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"I also try to help them practice self-love in small ways. Every morning before school I remind them to be kind to others and themselves. They make fun of me now as I am so repetitive but my hope is that it becomes a part of them so, in turn, effortless. Being kind to oneself is something I am still working at, so it is meaningful for me to get my kids on board early."
Sarah Clary is a New York-based stylist, creative, and Substack'er.
You can follow her at @clarysarah. ">
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关于爱，你想教给你的孩子什么?
“我希望我的孩子也能拥有同样的爱和社区心态。开门，欢迎大家。兄弟姐妹之间的爱有时需要工作。当你的兄弟姐妹烦你的时候，你很难记得去爱他们。不经常相处是可以的，但你需要永远爱对方。当你这样做的时候，你可以建立一个强大的基础，并有希望度过艰难的时刻。爱一个人很重要，但喜欢他们可能同样重要，甚至更重要。”
“我还试着帮助他们在小事上练习自爱。每天早上上学前，我提醒他们要善待他人和自己。他们现在取笑我，因为我是如此重复，但我希望这成为他们的一部分，反过来，毫不费力。善待自己是我一直在努力的事情，所以对我来说，早点让我的孩子参与进来是很有意义的。”
Sarah Clary是纽约的造型师，富有创意垂直叠加怎样．
你可以在@clarysarah．
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"One day I came to him crying because kids had called me ugly. He hugged me, loved me, and told me that I was beautiful. I don’t remember the exact words he used, but I remember how he made me feel. He was kind, he told me I was beautiful and special, and he made me feel like I was a princess. After the tears dried and I had my little pep talk, he took me to a mirror and had me look at myself. He said 'you’re going to be Miss Guam someday' and I remember my first reaction was tears, because I didn’t like who I saw. He hugged me and stayed with me, and when I remembered I was safe, my tears turned into a smile. I said to myself 'I’m Miss Guam.'"
"This memory stuck with me all my life. My grandpa helped me learn how to love myself. Not because of how I looked on the outside, but because of what was inside of me. He helped me understand the value of kindness, self-love, and how it ripples out in the world. How when you love yourself, you can extend love to others, and those that hurt you. That when you truly love yourself, the hurt and hatred of others holds no truth."
"I was about 5-years-old when my grandpa had that talk with me, but I will never forget how it helped shape my self-confidence and the way I love myself and others. I still struggle with my self-confidence from time-to-time, but learning to look myself in the mirror and love the person standing infront of me has been so helpful for me as a child, and as an adult."">
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“当我还是个孩子的时候，我经常因为我的长相被其他孩子取笑。我不觉得自己漂亮，我没有自信，我曾经希望自己看起来不一样。我爷爷对我很好。他会叫我他的“宝贝”，这对我来说很特别。我不认为这意味着我是他最喜欢的，但这只是他对我的昵称。”
“有一天，我哭着去找他，因为孩子们说我丑。他拥抱我，爱我，告诉我我很漂亮。我不记得他具体说了什么，但我记得他给我的感觉。他很善良，他告诉我我很漂亮，很特别，他让我觉得自己像个公主。等我的眼泪干了，他给我打气后，他把我带到镜子前，让我照照自己。他说:“有一天你会成为关岛小姐的。”我记得我的第一反应是流泪，因为我不喜欢我看到的人。他抱着我，陪着我，当我想起我安全了，我的眼泪变成了微笑。我对自己说，‘我是关岛小姐。’”
“这段记忆伴随了我一生。我爷爷帮助我学会了如何爱自己。不是因为我的外表，而是因为我的内心。他让我明白了善良、自爱的价值，以及它是如何影响世界的。当你爱自己的时候，你可以把爱延伸到别人和那些伤害你的人身上。当你真正爱自己的时候，别人的伤害和仇恨就会消失。”
“当我5岁时，我爷爷和我谈了这件事，但我永远不会忘记它如何塑造了我的自信，以及我爱自己和他人的方式。我仍然不时地与自信作斗争，但学会看着镜子中的自己，爱站在我面前的人，对我小时候和成年后都有很大帮助。”
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"I sometimes struggle with confidence and self-love, and I think that by actively checking in on myself, and practicing grace when I fall short, and loving myself regardless, my children will learn self-love, and how to give themselves and others grace."
"I want to teach them to love the person they see in the mirror, not because of the way they look, but by the character of their heart. By loving others, we learn to love ourselves, and I truly believe that because it’s what has taught me to love the person looking back in the mirror. I want them to be proud of who they are, and to always put love out into the world. I believe wholeheartedly in loving our neighbors, and I want to teach these values to my children by showing them how to show up with love and grace for themselves, their family and their community."
Ciara Sana Clark is a Washington-based artist.
You can follow her @artbyciara. ">
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关于爱，你想教给你的孩子什么?
“我真的希望我的女儿和儿子(在路上)能学会爱自己和别人。我想在我的日常生活中实践这些价值观，并给他们一个安全舒适的地方来学习和成长。我想让他们知道，现在的自己就很完美，做自己就很舒服。”
“我有时会在自信和自爱上挣扎，我认为通过积极地审视自己，在我做不到的时候练习优雅，不管怎样地爱自己，我的孩子们会学会自爱，学会如何给自己和别人优雅。”
“我想教他们去爱镜子里的自己，不是因为他们的外表，而是他们内心的品质。通过爱别人，我们学会了爱自己，我真的相信这一点，因为它教会了我去爱镜子里的那个人。我想让他们为自己感到骄傲，并永远爱这个世界。我全心全意地相信爱我们的邻居，我想把这些价值观教给我的孩子们，告诉他们如何为自己、家人和社区表现出爱和优雅。”
Ciara Sana Clark总部设在华盛顿艺术家．
你可以跟着她@artbyciara．
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我出生在澳大利亚昆士兰州，是三个女孩中最小的一个。我很早就懂得了真爱意味着被完全地看到、理解、接受和原谅。我也明白了真爱是无比珍贵的。当我还是个孩子的时候，我感受到了没有条件和限制的爱。这种爱允许我犯错误，失败，然后重生。那种爱握着我的手，把我从地上抱起来，对我说‘一切都会好起来的，你做得很好。这种无条件的爱让我成功，让我欢笑，让我自我感觉良好。”
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Suzie Kondi is a New York-based designer.
You can follow her @suziekondi. ">
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关于爱，你想教你的孩子什么?
“爱是亲切地对自己说话，而不是恶言恶语。你现在就在这里，比你想象的更强大。我希望通过我自己的例子教会她，为自己庆祝，尽可能多地欢笑和跳舞。这种自爱可能不会在一夜之间发生，但随着时间的推移，它会深入你的心。”
Suzie Kondi是纽约人设计师．
你可以跟着她@suziekondi．
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"My childhood was very complex. I grew up in foster care and never really assimilated, so my views of love are very unhealthy and often based in untruths. I have had to do a TON of work to learn what love is, what it looks like, how it’s carried out in a healthy way, how to give and receive it and how to put it in the proper perspective."
"Love is. It just is, and doesn’t have to be earned or performed for, it's infinite and if we are lucky enough to grab hold of that, we get to relish in it in a beautiful way."">
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我不记得我是怎么学会爱的，不是故意的。我记得我为它而表现(做好事，做得好，讨人喜欢，退缩，配得上它)。”
“我的童年非常复杂。我在寄养家庭长大，从来没有真正被同化过，所以我的爱情观非常不健康，而且经常建立在谎言的基础上。我不得不做了大量的工作来学习什么是爱，爱是什么样子的，爱是如何以健康的方式进行的，如何给予和接受爱，以及如何正确地看待爱。”
“爱是。它就是这样，不需要努力去争取，它是无限的，如果我们足够幸运能够抓住它，我们就能以一种美好的方式享受它。”
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"And as I grow in my understanding of love, and teach them, I also get to teach the little girl in me—how to embrace love, how to accept love, how to sit in love that is unconditional, wide and vast, that doesn’t come with any disclaimers or expectations, but is just there to enjoy."
"We talk about how love leads our actions and when we act out of love, it helps us to tap into our best selves and be our best selves for those around us and that because there are so many types of love, we can find love for every one, those people we know and hold close to our hearts and those we see in passing. There is enough versions of love to offer to everyone we come in contact with."
Tash Haynes is a Seattle-based photographer, influencer, and author.
You can follow her @itstashhaynes. ">
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关于爱，你想教给你的孩子什么?
“我通过自己的生活方式教会孩子们爱。不管是顺境还是逆境，我对待他们的方式，以及我进入和出现在房间里的方式。我对待他们的方式，以及我用身体表现他们的方式，只是因为，通过拥抱、亲吻、拥抱时间和同意。我们谈论我们是多么幸运，能够体验到彼此的爱，以及上帝为彼此选择了我们是多么特别。”
“随着我对爱的理解不断加深，并教他们，我也开始教我内心的小女孩——如何拥抱爱，如何接受爱，如何沉浸在无条件的、广阔的爱中，它不会附带任何免责声明或期望，而是只是为了享受。”
“我们谈论爱如何引导我们的行动，当我们出于爱而行动时，它帮助我们挖掘最好的自己，为我们周围的人做最好的自己，因为爱有很多种类型，我们可以为每一个人找到爱，那些我们认识的人，那些我们认识的人，那些我们擦肩而过的人。有足够多的爱的版本可以提供给我们接触的每个人。”
Tash Haynes是一家总部位于西雅图的公司摄影师，影响者,作者．
你可以跟着她@itstashhaynes．
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“我的父母对我们很亲切，让我有安全感。我想说，浪漫的爱情在我的文化/宗教中被视为禁忌，是一个我们会避免或觉得不应该表达的话题，但从流行文化/节目和电影中学到的最多。这是一种奇怪的对立，我对家人表达爱感到非常舒服，但对其他类型的爱却感到格格不入。”
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"I don’t know if people sit and talk about love in a way that can always be understood, but I hope we are able to show my child that love is felt through those little things. My husband and I always talk about how short life is and how it’s never a bad thing to show love and kindness for others while we’re here, and I hope my son will look to us as an example of that and figure out how he chooses to express love in his own way."
Shyema Azam is a New Jersey-based editor, writer, and content creator with a focus on beauty and food.
You can follow her @beautyndfeast. ">
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关于爱，你想教你的孩子什么?
“我有一个叔叔，我和他非常亲近，他就像我的另一位父亲，从他的英年早逝中，我意识到他的爱是通过他和我们在一起的时间感受到的;有时他只是听我们说话或教我们一些东西。甚至给我们一本他喜欢的书。”
“我不知道人们坐下来谈论爱的方式是否总能被理解，但我希望我们能够向我的孩子展示，爱是通过这些小事感受到的。我丈夫和我总是谈论生命是多么短暂，在我们活着的时候向别人表达爱和善良从来都不是一件坏事，我希望我儿子能把我们作为一个榜样，明白他如何选择用自己的方式表达爱。”
谢玛·阿扎姆是新泽西州的编辑、作家和作家内容创造者专注于美和美食。
你可以跟着她@beautyndfeast．
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"But overall, in generationally webbed families like ours, you notice in retrospect the example of love taught through being in service to one another: Supporting each other with deeds of kindness and kinship. There is virtually no way I could raise my son alone without my own parents and expanse of family involvement. I am forever grateful for our circle of love and service."">
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你还记得小时候对爱的了解吗?
“虽然我的父母和家人都非常爱我，但我小时候从未被明确地教育过爱。以这种方式重新教育自己，并学习所有关于爱的知识，这是我成年生活的主要关键。我承认这是个有点敏感的话题!关于如何接受爱和给予爱，每一天都是一个新的教导。”
“但总的来说，在像我们这样的世代网状的家庭中，你会注意到通过相互服务所教会的爱的例子:用善意和亲属关系的行为相互支持。没有我的父母和广泛的家庭参与，我几乎不可能独自抚养我的儿子。我永远感激我们的爱和服务。”
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"The most important emphasis on love is that love without respect isn’t love at all. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or love for yourself, love should never be cruel, forceful, or abusive. Respect, autonomy, and consent must be centered for love to grow and thrive."
"Something I specifically say to my son over and over again is that there are no conditions bound to my love; I will always love you, even when we feel sad, disappointed, upset, angry, stressed, or any number of other difficult emotions."
"Another thing I repeat is that love can’t die: My love is eternal in the most literal sense. The nature of love may change over time depending on time and circumstance, but since energy cannot be created or destroyed, love’s vibration does not dissipate. So, my love will always be with him forever, even when I am no longer around. And the same goes for his grandparents or anyone else we love. The honest impermanence of it all adds value and sweetness to the time we share with one another."
"And when things inevitably become challenging in this human experience, I guide my son to look for love everywhere. Even in the darkest corners of life, love can surely be found. There is always love and beauty surrounding those whose sensibilities are strengthened and attuned to seek, find, and keep it."
Christie Craft is a Portland-based writer, editor, and researcher. ">
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关于爱，你想教你的孩子什么?
“我教育我的儿子，爱是宇宙中最强大的振动力。他知道这一点，现在可以重复租户，我们经常谈论它。爱是善良，爱是同理心，爱是感恩，爱是合作，爱是同情，爱通常意味着互相照顾，尤其是在我们的家庭中。”
“爱最重要的一点是，没有尊重的爱就不是爱。无论是在友谊、浪漫关系还是对自己的爱中，爱永远不应该是残酷的、强迫的或虐待的。尊重、自主和同意必须以爱的成长和茁壮成长为中心。”
“我一遍又一遍地对儿子说，我的爱没有任何条件;我会永远爱你，即使我们感到悲伤、失望、沮丧、愤怒、压力或其他任何困难的情绪。”
“我要重复的另一件事是爱不会死:我的爱是永恒的。爱的本质可能会随着时间和环境的变化而改变，但由于能量不能被创造或破坏，爱的振动不会消散。所以，我的爱将永远和他在一起，即使我不在了。同样的道理也适用于他的祖父母或任何我们爱的人。这一切真实的无常都为我们彼此分享的时光增添了价值和甜蜜。”
“在人类的经历中，当事情不可避免地变得具有挑战性时，我会引导儿子到处寻找爱。即使在生活最黑暗的角落，也一定能找到爱。爱与美总是围绕着那些情感被加强并协调去寻找、发现并保持爱的人。”
克里斯蒂工艺她是波特兰的作家、编辑和研究员。
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